Pelicans and Sharks: The United Front

*This is a movie script I’ve recently decided to write shortly after viewing another post on a similar topic. Do not steal this idea. The script will be in progress shortly. As for now, its time to brain stew.

Pelicans and Sharks: The United Front

Ext: Ocean. Tiger sharks and pelicans. Seaweed floating. One armed surfer waves hello. Scuba diver pokes head out of water, checks both sides, disappears…

TIGER

This is our water pelican.

PELICAN

This is our air, you fuckin’ piece a shit.

SHARK

Whoa. Relax.

PELICAN

No. Fuck you. You relax. Stop fuckin’ eating us. We’re fuckin’ sick of it.

SHARK

Well… we get hungry.

PELICAN

Fuck you. So do we. You’re a piece a shit.

SHARK

Well, if we agree no to eat you, what should we eat?

PELICANS

Humans. Eat the fuckin’ humans. They’re scared of you guys.

TIGERS

Really?

PELICAN

Fuck yeah. Big time.

SHARK

Well, we can’t get on land, though.

PELICAN

I’ll fuckin’ take you. Swim on ova, fella.

SHARK

Okay.

EXT: Day. Outside, where families are barbecuing sharks and pelicans, laughing obnoxiously and making mocking gestures by way of false wing flaps and pretend shark chomps. Suddenly, all look up, gasping and pointing.

Montage – Three straight hours of tigers falling from the sky. Landing on people, shark teeth first. Humans running. Children crying, asking mommy and daddy why they had to make fun of the sharks all the time. Pelicans move with sounds similar to B-52 bombers. Sharks roar like underwater lions(just go with it). Animals all look on, chimpanzees, orangutans, and the very same gecko from the  Geico commercial.

GECKO

Ay, those humans are bloody fucked! Looks like they should spent fifteen minutes to save fifteen percent or more on shark/pelican attack insurance!

Movie comes to a close, sharks eating limbs, pelicans spitting on half-living humans, and the animal kingdom all puts their hands on their hips and smiles with great relief. The humans, the greedy, arrogant sons-a-bitches, they are all dead. The animals win.

Ext. – Night – Gandolf, man with long grey beard and cane, walks onto uninhabited human planet, sorrowful to see the land is overflowing with sharks, mating with pelicans like its orgy time.

GANDOLF

WhyyyyyyyyyYYYYYY??!!!!!!!

END SCENE

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