How to Shower

The best way to shower is to use soap. When you use the soap, be sure to wipe the suds all over your body before you allow the water to spray the suds off. If you fail to do this, you are only cleaning yourself half as well as you should be.

The most thoroughly soaped body part is the chest, and the most often forgotten is the bottom of the feet (Einstein’s journal of medicine, Fictional Citation pg. 8). The biggest problem area humans who shower tend to have is the armpits.

They are known in the showering industry as the, ‘awkward v’s’, and the taller the shower goer, the harder they are to properly cleanse. Many of the shower elites recall tales of funniness, citing those times they thought they were washed, only to find white residue covering their underarms! (courtesy chuckle here)

Of all the blumbers and mistakes made in the shower, including the head-to-the-faucet ‘Doh!’, the worst feeling of all continues to be the forgotten armpit. Some of the best showerers in our generation have confessed to this lapse of following proper bathing procedure.

Holding the deodorant stick, and after a swift ‘sniff sniff’, the thought-to-be-clean human discovers they are still stinky. The realization occurs after a full-blown dry-out (known as ‘toweling’ by some in the industry), and the human has a moment of anguish.

The debate is still out there on whether or not a return to the shower is worth it, or an overlapping swipe of fresh deodorant a strong enough band-aid to hide the stinky stench.

However, as every shower aficionado knows, the worst thing to be done in this situation is to attempt what is known as a ‘sink swap’. A sink swap is when the human showerer bends over the bathroom sink and uses the hand soap to butter-up their arm pit with white suds, then poorly strive to wash the residue back off, using only scoops of water from the faucet.

The result is soapy water running down the abdomen to the thigh, and a messy tile floor. There has been more than one death reported per year from the slip and fall that so often occurs after another misguided attempt at the fabled ‘sink swap’.

* Showering USA and Mr. Clean incorporated contributed to this article.

– Did you know? Having sex in the shower is only enjoyable when you are the one hogging all the hot water.

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One thought on “How to Shower

  1. Pingback: NFL 2013: Eli and Peyton Manning Turning Heads in Rap Video Commercial | Jockstrap Journal

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