Scene: McWatty9 at the podium, standing before many reporters, all with cameramen beside. I am wearing a fine, expensive suit, standing properly, and addressing the nation.
McWatty9 – ‘This press conference has been called, as I’m sure many of you have already heard, to discuss the recent atrophy in my viewership. Now, I can’t emphasize enough, to all of you, that the amount of followers has only gone up in the recent days, and more specifically, my dabbling in the field of poetry has brought new readers in. I know my handful of loyal followers prefer my idiocy, as do I, but sometimes you gotta venture.
Now then, in days previous, we received views from Canada, Spain, United Kingdom, and that one guy from India who thought I was a hamburger. Ladies and gentlemen, I regret to inform you, we have received visits from none of these countries today.
(Chatter breaks out, pens scribbles, audience in the far back gasps and whispers frivolously)
McWatty9 – Yes, yes, I’m sorry to say this is all true. All my visitors today have been strictly American. Not even Princess Fairy Zooboo cared to look. Upsetting? Yes. Devastating? Yes. The end of me? I’m not sure.
It is true this blog started about a week ago, and I still have no idea how anything on this website work. But I promise you, ladies and gentlemen, that I have every intention of working out the kinks, and bringing you all solid material once more. That is all.
(Loud shuffling, the reporters all jump from their seats, waving pens and papers at me, a gun shot fired – suicide. I ignore everyone, walk away calm and astutely, like a fantastic leader in a crisis situation)
End of Press Conference.