Are you tired of the same old jog? Ipod shuffle just not having the same stimulation for you that it used to? Or maybe you hate running, cause you lack the motivation?
Well, I’m setting out to put an end to that, ladies and gentlemen.
Here at McWatty9’s Fun Run Park, we’ve armed the place for ten miles with trial and tests like you’ve never seen before.
The trail starts with fifty yards of gasoline-soaked pavement. When we tell you to go, we simultaneously set a match to it. Better get out of the way!
We’ve got paid muggers, who lurch behind corners then chase after you with panty hose over their faces. Black bears, straight from the zoo, who we’ve set free and neglected to feed, just to make them a tad hungrier!
And if getting chased isn’t enough, we simulate real live life-threatening disasters! They’ll be bombs with timers on them, which you’ll read as you pass by. Better fasten your pace!
Miniature volcanoes, which burst out lava every thirty seconds. Old farmers with shotguns, who have lived on the property their whole lives and refused to leave when we sent our lawyers to tell them to get off!
A King Kong machine, three-hundred feet tall, that stomps on idling pointing people and grunts as he does.
Get ready as you approach the finish line, for there we have a jump over spikes and knives. Better learn to dive!
After you complete your run, you will receive a free mini water bottle, roughly the size of your palm. So, if you’re looking for a place to get a new-fastest time, come on down to McWatty9’s Fun Run Park. You’ll literally be running for your life!
Did you know? Often times, muggers in the streets like to where black and white striped shirts and a black band over with two holes over their eyes. They hold a gun in one hand and a sack with a money symbol over their opposite shoulder.