How To Play Footsie

This informative article is written from a male perspective, so please be understanding that my knowledge to this fanciful game is limited, at best.

Footsie: A game in which male and female feet exchange subtle swipes. It sometimes involves awkward ‘step ons’, which are most commonly treated by blantant ignorance from both parties. Also considered footsie, excess-trim jean flips, as well as bouncing toe boot-lifts, and the oh-so sensual, shin-caress foot smears.

Now, the game of footsie is no easy game, by any means. There are many steps to be undertaken, the first of which is known as ‘getting yourself out there’. Getting yourself out there involves scooting your chair in, in order to bring your feet closer to your partner’s. This move is strongly encouraged to be done casually, typically with a couple of fingers dangling slyly over-mouth.

The next step, be you received, is too behave as though you don’t even notice another person’s feet have made contact with yours. Again, act casually, please.

From here on out, the real game begins. It is only as of late I’ve begin to feel I am understanding the concept from the female point-of-view. Yet first, I must digress.

Men are taught to feel practically nothing, so when the occasion comes along and they see a wounded doe, and none of their mates are beside them, they typically jump at the opportunity to do something heartfelt, and will go on to hug and caress that poor wounded bay-bay, for as long as it will allow them to.

I don’t think that is what the female wants. Yes, yes, I said it. I believe the object of the game may not be to simply let your foot sit out there idly, I’m beginning to think it is much more complex than that. I have found more footsie victories come by a well-timed ‘grab back’, which is also known as a ‘swift reverse foot-slide’.

Shuffling through papers and pretending to leave is also helpful, and more than promising to receive a longing glance of watery eyes.

To put it simply, the key to winning a game of footsie is not to leave your foot out there as a pathetic ‘Eeyore’ type effort, but instead to play a little game of touch and feel. Well played side swipes and ankle pokes could score you some points, but no move is more powerful or game-changing than the ‘random-take backs’, of which cannot be properly examined in a single post. Luckily for you, eager-foot-swagger, I will be releasing a full-volume instructional series, coming shortly to a blog near you.

In summary, don’t play glumly, seek out no sympathy swipes, and always ‘strike’ confidently. Good luck ladies and gentlemen, may another person’s feet be with you.

Did you know? Reckless games of Footsie have led to a hundred or more lower limb amputations annually since the year two-thousand, when a new line of strapless sandals first emerged.


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