Press Briefing – Aug. 20th, 2013

(Reporters speaking excitedly to one another. They all have the figures out in front of them – McWatty9 is back on top. He’s crushing the World Polls like none of them could have ever predicted. Snobert and Bill exchange a put down and an share smug laugh. McWatty9 walks out from behind the curtain. He is lavishly dressed, handsome as ever and looking mighty dapper in a fine suit. His expression is cocksure, to say the least. He stands behind the podium, and address the Wattie nation.)

McWatty9 – My fellow Watties! (Pointing to several reporters in the audience, a short, awkward silence ensues) We did it! I did it! You see those polls? That’s right! Ladies and gentlemen, I’m happy to inform you that yesterday was the greatest day yet in this administration’s history. We had a jaw-dropping seventy-one views, and a staggering thirty-four visitors! Both of those numbers, ladies and gentlemen and Snobert, rank second all time. Ye-aaah!

(McWatty9 punches his arm upwards in triumph and gazes to the ceiling above, but the reporters only cross their legs and scribble on their notepads.)

McWatty9 – We got views from Singapore, France, Croatia, Turkey, Japan, United Kingdom, and the U S of A. We got some more Watties, the following has grown to seventy. We got adamant support from sharplittlepencil, who has single handedly lobbied for us day and night. We got more hot girls comin’ in like crazy, we got former hot girls still checkin’ on ma blog, we got a hot tub date with a hot girl sometime this week! YEEEEEAAHHHH!!!

(Reporters shake their heads, cross their legs in the feminine style, place their fingers against their temples in a very intellectual fashion.)

McWatty9 – We got two pictures posted, we got tons of likes, we got new comments, a new lay out. Things are going great for this administration ladies and gentlemen!

Bill – (Standing up and yelling) McWatty9 aren’t you concerned that the number of posts you’re putting up per day is reckless to say the least, and at this rate your quality work can’t possibly last?

McWatty9 – Suck-it Bill!

Bill – But-

McWatty9 – I said suck-it! Sit down.

(Bill sits back down, disgruntled. Snobert comforts him with a shoulder rub.)

McWatty9 – So ladies and gentlemen, in summary – tons of views, new followers, hot girls, that one guy from India hasn’t been back, and King Everything Iz Great and I are off to grab a crumpet and discuss some of his administrations policies for the United Kingdom. Namely, his philosophy on hugging every person you meet, and how to enforce that into a rule for all the people. So thank you, good luck, and suck-it Bill.

(McWatty9 leaves the podium, reporters gravely concerned about so much enthusiasm from a leader, distressed by his lack of worry, overwhelmed by the fact that he just told Bill to suck-it.)

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