How to be Great at Everything

Herein lies the secret to being great at everything. It is ten rules, which I call the ‘Ten Pillars to being the Greatest at Everything’.

1.) Never give in to defeat.

2.) Never lose.

3.) Win every time.

4.) If you are close to losing, get up and leave the game immediately. Whip out your phone and pretend the call is very important.

5.) When your partner is about to break up with you, interrupt them and then break up with them instead.

6.) When someone sounds smarter than you, bust out a monocle and place it in your eye. Nod condescendingly, with a single eyebrow lowered.

7.) If someone is bragging about how much they bench press, just add fifteen pounds to whatever they said their ‘max’ was then claim that’s what you rep.

8.) Whenever you go to a dinner party, just walk around like you are the greatest person there. Proceed to scoff appropriately at those less great than you.

9.) Don’t ever accept a loss. There is always an excuse to be made, and you can turn that excuse into a reason you really should have won, even though you didn’t. Chalk these ‘false losses’ up as victories to whomever wants to know.

10.) Learn to run really fast. Part of being the greatest entails many people being jealous of all your victories and subsequently wanting to ‘beat you up’.

Did you know? Every famous rapper alive is actually tied for the coveted position of being the number one greatest rapper in the world.

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