Dear Pretty Girl

Dear pretty girl who keeps looking at me,

Please stop. I have a lot of work to do and quite frankly am in no way capable of sustaining any type of relationship now. I have no income and already ended a relationship in order to pursue this idea that I can actually write and publish a book and then turn that into a career as a book-writing person. Of course you are attractive, I’m quite certain every guy who sees you can agree on that. I’m also convinced my asking you out will be more a matter of, ‘Hmm… Okay, well see what happens’ to you, and a matter of great distraction to me. I cannot take these games anymore, I’m pretty sure each being has a certain level of contrasts given them from God, and in mixing this contrasts it dilutes the brightness one infuses into their artwork. Therefore, I need a reader much more than I need a girlfriend.

This raises the other difficulty I’ve had of late – every time I meet a new girl, I tell her I would like to be a writer, and then she says she would like to see what I’ve written, and then I send it, and then she never actually opens it. I understand women mostly enjoy making others feel good, and so I’m actually the one being foolish in thinking they actually want to read my book, when they factually just want to get to know me. The problem is, I don’t care about me nearly as much as they seem to, and I’m quite certain the book is much more entertaining. I’d rather read it then go to dinner any day of the week.

Well cute girl, you’ve succeeded in distracting me. Oh well, I don’t think men would ever get off the couch to do anything if it weren’t for the desire to impress beautiful women.

Too-do-loo,

Thomas M. Watt (That guy who thinks you’re looking at him when you’re actually staring at the one over his shoulder)

The God of the Living

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And the clock ticks

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.

When the clock ticks, when the hand strikes, when the time moves, when the words fly.

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.

Days are upon us, nights aren’t as long, work goes unfinished, albums become songs.

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.

Light never fades, darkness subsides, the truth is unmoving, the truth is inside.

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.

Wisdom is silent, God’s voice doth speak, teachers in school, teach what they see.

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.

When does the world, see truth unfold. When will the world, stop being sold.

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.

Since the beginning, when God made His man, man has been fooled, by what’s in his hand.

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.

You see there’s a thing, few really know, for what is divine, is more than what’s shown.

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.

Don’t you ask why, don’t you ask how, know God will do it, and doing abounds.

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.

The truth is kept secret, shouted are lies, the voice of the night, in the day we despise.

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.

Come look around, come see for yourself – others like you still know what you’ve found.

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.

Down with religion, down with God’s rule, is what they all chant, is what they all do.

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.

But there’s a problem, a big one you see – God will continue, because he hears you and me.

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.

What is the meaning, how can you say, what good does belief do when God’s in decay?

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.

Oh-hoh-ho-ho, he-he-he-he, you still must be lost, you still can’t quite see.

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.

You see it’s a myth, a blinding big lie, for what is of God, rules over time.

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.

Still are in wonder? Worries surround? Fine I shall tell you, listen to the sound.

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.

God cannot pass, his way cannot go, He’s the God of the living, as faith surely shows.

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.

What is to say, how can we see? How can God live if the world rejects He?

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.

How can you be lost, and not understand? Listen to me – God’s way has a plan. He is the strong one, and stronger than men. He is the true King, and He is still the end. Men cannot kill, they cannot destroy, their very creator, who makes of them toys. When you soon learn, and can know it too, you will shortly see, that God can’t be disproved. He’s made it this way, on purpose He has, to stifle the wicked, and swat them in hand. He knows of the humble, He knows of their prayers, he raises them up, in ways seen unfair. For His way is different, much different you see, God’s way is to give, and He gives unto we. Don’t be afraid, if you still do not know, just go on in faith, and God will expose. The fault is of thought, to think you must rule, the greatest mistake, is to think you must prove. God’s way on your own, the words that he spoke, that you must somehow, make wisdom glow. All you must do, and listen to me, all you must do is leave action to He. Go on in trust, of what you can’t see, go on believing, and God sets you free.

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.

– Thomas M. Watt

(Photo courtesy of Dan @ http://www.pocketrubbish.com/ap/)

McWatty9’s Yoga Class For People Who Want To Take A Yoga Class

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Int. – About thirty people enter the room. Mirrors cover three of the walls, while one window sits facing the outside, where all the pervs sit to watch. Most of the practitioners are women, several are men, and all have brought with them curled up mats as well as a single foam brick. McWatty9, the yogi for the class, stands at the front, with a microphone earpiece running along his cheek.

MCWATTY9

Welcome folks, welcome. I’m so happy to be leading you all in your journey towards becoming better looking today. I’m especially excited to see the girl in the red tank top do upward dog, and not so much the fat bald guy in the back corner. Yes you, with the bag of potato chips.

BIll

Are you sure you are properly trained to teach this course?

MCWATTY9

(Closing eyes, nodding patiently, speaking with a soothing tone)

Yes Bill, yes.

Aaron

(With underwear over his head, wearing a suit)

New controller should arrive tomorrow.

MCWATTY9

(Sounding very distressed, walking hurriedly over to the big black box that is called a ‘stereo’)

Yes, yes, yes! Well, my little yoginies, it is time to start with our flexibility. Let me get my yoga mix started, and while I’m at it, I want you to stand there and practice your breathing.

(As the class all stands there and practices their breathing, the eight-mile soundtrack begins blaring at a decibel so loud Snobert blows his eardrums. Snobert screams)

MCWATTY9

Get outta here Snobert! You’re disrupting the class!

(Bill and Snobert share a hug, Snobert leaves)

MCWATTY9

Now then, I want everybody to inhale.

(They do)

McWATTY9

Now exhale. Then inhale. Then exhale. Then inhale twice. Then exhale four times. Try to inhale super loudly. Now exhale quietly. Now try to inhale in your left nostril while simultaneously exhaling out your right.

(Aaron, the guy in the suit with underwear over his head, falls over)

MCWATTY9

Great. Now stick your right arm in. Now take your right arm out. Now put your left foot in. Now shake it all about. Very good. Very very good.

(The Hokey-pokey continues for sometime, until the entire song is finally finished)

McWatty9

Now, I want everybody to bring their foam bricks forward to me please.

(After receiving all of the foam bricks, McWatty9 builds an igloo with them)

MCWATTY9

There we go. That’s what those things are actually for. And I’m forbidden to say what the elastic straps you all brought are actually intended to do. Okay, now everybody, sit down.

(Everyone does)

MCWATTY9

Now stand up.

(They do)

Sit down. Stand up. Breath. Jump in the air. Wave your arms. Spin around. Do the worm. Start break-dancing. Do the Homeless Joe. Do a hand stand. Do a headstand. Try to fold your legs into a pretzel. Try to get out of the pretzel. Now lay down and wait there until I tell you to stop.

(Five days later)

MCWATTY9

Very good, everyone! (Sitting down with his knees pointed out, hands pressed together at his sternum, closes his eyes and nods)

No-more-stay.

THE CLASS

No-more-stay.

END SCENE