Dear pretty girl who keeps looking at me,
Please stop. I have a lot of work to do and quite frankly am in no way capable of sustaining any type of relationship now. I have no income and already ended a relationship in order to pursue this idea that I can actually write and publish a book and then turn that into a career as a book-writing person. Of course you are attractive, I’m quite certain every guy who sees you can agree on that. I’m also convinced my asking you out will be more a matter of, ‘Hmm… Okay, well see what happens’ to you, and a matter of great distraction to me. I cannot take these games anymore, I’m pretty sure each being has a certain level of contrasts given them from God, and in mixing this contrasts it dilutes the brightness one infuses into their artwork. Therefore, I need a reader much more than I need a girlfriend.
This raises the other difficulty I’ve had of late – every time I meet a new girl, I tell her I would like to be a writer, and then she says she would like to see what I’ve written, and then I send it, and then she never actually opens it. I understand women mostly enjoy making others feel good, and so I’m actually the one being foolish in thinking they actually want to read my book, when they factually just want to get to know me. The problem is, I don’t care about me nearly as much as they seem to, and I’m quite certain the book is much more entertaining. I’d rather read it then go to dinner any day of the week.
Well cute girl, you’ve succeeded in distracting me. Oh well, I don’t think men would ever get off the couch to do anything if it weren’t for the desire to impress beautiful women.
Too-do-loo,
Thomas M. Watt (That guy who thinks you’re looking at him when you’re actually staring at the one over his shoulder)
Thomas M. Watt 
Funny again.
Thank you as always!
Oh to be young again. The only pretty girls who smile at me are thinking, “That guy with the beard looks like Grandpa. God rest his soul.”
Well currently all I do is write, edit, and eat peanut M&Ms. So far as I can tell, you’ve got one full beard on me. I don’t think our lives are so different after all… except you’ve got a really cool looking beard.
Pretty hitty spitty loo, mighty hiney whiny doo, kick it stick it pick the pick, richity rachity bitchity bitch.