Press Briefing – Sept. 19th

(Reporters all checking their watches. McWatty9 has been very much delayed. The news is the once relentless leader is calling it a career. His posts have ceased to be as frequent as usual, and are currently bordering on occasional, at best. Bill and Snobert are snickering together, sharing nibbles of the same peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Aaron is wearing a nice suit again, with the same pair of white underwear banded tightly over his head. McWatty9 exits from behind the red curtain, wearing a plain orange tee-shirt, denim jeans, and boater shoes. He stands before the podium.)

McWatty9 – Ladies and gentlemen of Wattie Nation, I’m pleased to inform you this kingdom has not yet ceased to expand. We are growing in popularity each and everyday, racking up new followers by the post. I’ve been posting a lot of poetry as of late, and it is beginning to garner me critical acclaim. Not only that, but I’m beginning to get contacted by outside publications in order to post for them, a feat I am very much proud of. I have also formed a friendship with Ayse Juaneda, the greatest artist in the world, and I’m super stoked about that. Sharplittlepencil has apparently left us, as I haven’t heard from our strongest supporter in some time now. And I spoke to president Everything Iz Great just a few minutes ago, who was pleased to inform me that his servants are super duper happy for me. Now then, the floor is open for questioning.

Bill – (Shooting out from his chair) McWatty9, remember the time I warned you saying you wouldn’t be able to post ten times a day? Remember remember? Well you said you would, and now you’re not!

McWatty9 –  (Lowering head) Yes, yes. Bill, I’m reluctant to say you are right. I’ve been very busy editing my book and dealing with some personal issues, but still, this is no excuse for not providing my followers with an adequate number of post.

Bill – Suck-it, McWatty9!! (BIll sits down, shares a loud high five with Snobert)

McWatty9 – (Sighing) Alright, anything else?

Aaron – (Flipping underwear band up and out the way of his eyes, doesn’t bother to stand in order to ask question) McWatty9, how would you like to go to a bonfire tomorrow night?

McWatty9 – (Fist pumps) Yeah, that sounds great! I would love that!

Aaron – Great! Just grab a date and meet me there.

McWatty9 – (Pressing buttons in cellphone) Alright! Sweet! I’m stoked, just hold on one second… and… alright… wait for it… sweet! This awesome chick I know said she’d be down!

Aaron – Yeah?

McWatty9 – Yeah man! Thanks for inviting me. Who’s your date?

Aaron – Oh I don’t have one. But see if you can grab another one.

McWatty9 – …Are you kidding?

Aaron – No. (Munches on giant cheeseburger, speaks while chewing) Go on though. (More chewing) See how many people you can get. I want this to be a big deal.

McWatty9 – (Frowning slightly) Alright. Well, thanks everyone for coming. We’ll be in touch… I guess. (Begins to walk away from podium)

Snobert – Hey Mcwatty9!

McWatty9 – (Turning glumly) Yeah?

Snobert – SUCK IT!

McWatty9 – (Nods weakly, drags his feet, disappears behind red curtain)

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One thought on “Press Briefing – Sept. 19th

  1. Pingback: The Most Frustrating, Yet Amazing Interview With a Pitcher You’ll Ever Read | Jockstrap Journal

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