(Reporters are all sleeping, Snobert and Bill are chuckling together, and Aaron enters wearing a loin cloth with a mullet and a jackhammer. McWatty9 enters from behind red curtain wearing nothing but swim trunks. He stands before the podium)
McWatty9 – Hello Wattie nation, greetings to you all. Let me start out with a sincere apology for my recent lack-of-post, and lack of quality posts.
I sincerely apologize.
There, now that that’s out of the way, let me inform you as to why I have been absent – Way of the World. It is the first book in my trilogy, and I have to have it prepared for a big-time writers conference this weekend. I’ve had business cards made, and I’m presently working around the clock to get my website looking spic-and-spam. I’ve been doing two paintings a day, all of which I PROMISE you are better than that garbage I posted earlier today. I need the oils to dry before I can scan them, however. So, after this weekend, I fully intend on tearing-shit-up on this blog once again, and may even be linking this blog with my website. Any questions?
Bill – Yeah, uhh, that painting you posted today?
McWatty9 – Yes, Michael enters Gnashing. What about it?
Bill – Yeah I just wanted you to know we all thought it was crap.
McWatty9 – (Head down) Thanks…
(Bill and Snobert high five)
Snobert – Hey McWatty9!
McWatty9 – Yeah?
Snobert – Suck-it!
McWatty – Great. Anyone else?
(Aaron, wearing a loincloth and a mullet, with a jackhammer clasped in his hands, stands up)
McWatty9 – Yeah, Aaron, what’dya got for me?
(Aaron starts jackhammering)
McWatty9 – Aaron!
Aaron – What?
McWatty9 – (Scratching head until Aaron finally turns jackhammer off) You mad or something?
Aaron – It’s ok I’m used to be cheated on.
McWatty9 – What, because I’ve been painting rather than blogging?
Aaron – Dude I’m joking I wouldn’t get mad about that, what am I a fourteen year old girl?
McWatty9 – Oh okay, gotcha.
Aaron – What, did I just go through an emotionally traumatic event?
McWatty9 – …not that I’m aware of.
Aaron – Did my dog just die?
McWatty9 – No, I get it.
Aaron – If Earth and Venus were touching and they were covered in a forest that’s how big and hairy my balls are now stop worrying about my feelings GFYS!
McWatty9 – Well-
Aaron – Because they’re so massive all I have feelings for is when I’m going to eat the next steak, do work, and crush pussy GFYS!
McWatty9 – (pressing hands out) Alright, okay. Settle down. I-
Aaron – Now excuse me while I go blowdry my large sweaty balls while I listen to heavy metal. It shouldn’t take but a few hours.
(Aaron leaves, loud blow dryer can be heard immediately after door to press room closes)
McWatty9 – Alright, well… that about wraps it up. Sorry if I’ve disappointed any of you, I hope to have some better news for you all next time.
(McWatty9 exits stage, reporters all boo, Snobert and Bill throw tomatoes and a yellow pepper at him)
Bitch with a pale skin, touched by the reaches of civilization, with civilized ways by onlookers covered from the sun and the wind, pay to get in, simple ways, arranged by the authorities, tribesmen and people from other lands, nudists drinking nectar from the flowers, tapping guitars in a world of green pastures and pornographic skies
wow you have a gift