McWatty9 Wins Liebster Blog Award

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That’s right folks, I won an award. In case you didn’t know, Liebster is a word some humans use somewhere. I am grateful to be nominated by miss Alex, you can visit her blog here –http://thebewildered20somethingwriter.wordpress.com

In receiving this nomination, I must nominate several other bloggers and throw my own questions at them. I will post that later. But for now, I am on the spot, answering Alex’s questions. Big breath. Here we go –

What inspired you to start writing/blogging?

  • Well let me start out by saying I’m extremely nervous right now and can’t quite think clearly. I feel so on the spot and I know I’m making a fool of myself but the thoughts are coming fast and the hands keep typing them. Ok. Blogging? Well I wrote a book but I didn’t know any other humans so I felt a blog would be a good place to meet them. Along with humans, I am told fellow writers come here, too. Do you think I’m going to sound stupid when this gets posted?

If you could shrink any animal–real or mythical–so that it was pocket sized, what animal would you shrink and keep as a pet?

  • Well first off, Alex, thanks for easing the tension. Not. But in answering your question, following that comma back there is the rest of this sentence. I would shrink a… I would… Shrink… dog?

Name three guilty pleasure books and/or movies that you’re sorry you’re not sorry you like (say that three times fast).

  • So sorry not sor- wait. So sorry you’re not sorry I’m not – wait… shoot… Okay, so sorry I’m not your sorry I mean you’re… DAMN! Ok. Three guilty pleasure movies I’ve seen? Hmm…. I love Macgruber. I think it is the funniest movie I have ever seen and nobody else even likes it. Saw Jack Reacher the other day after hearing everybody whine about Tom Cruise being in it. Sorry, but that movie was awesome. Went out and bought one of the books in the series. Lee Child’s the man, by the way. Go check him out! Third? Hmm. Third. I really like… I… like… Umm… The Notebook. Why? Because when you’re asked by a girl if you have a guilty pleasure and you don’t say The Notebook you are an idiot.

If you could change your name to anything, what would you change it to?

  • Anything but Aaron, because Aaron is a girls name.

What inspires you creatively, i.e., what gets your creative juices pumping again when you’re in a bit of a slump?

  • I bash my fist into my head as hard as I can. It’s like magic.

If you knew you only had one hour before the zombie apocalypse, what would you do?

  • Cover my face with dirt then start walking with my arms straight out as I mumble, “Need… to eat… brains.”

Name the weirdest/funniest/coolest/most memorable/etc. dream you’ve had.

  • Oh, c’mon! Obviously a sex dream. Should I go into detail?

What advice would you give your six-year-old self?

  • You might as well give up. It’s never gonna happen.

What are the five things that make you the happiest?

  • I like toitles.

Star Wars or Star Trek?

  • Star Wars VS. Star Trek, when they finally sack up and make it happen.

Well, that’s it folks. I would bow right now, but I’m not going to. Why? Well I don’t know why, I thought all the questions were done with.

Thanks again Alex, hope after reading this you’re not ashamed you picked me. For the rest of you, watch out, I’m going to be posting my own nominations and questions later today.

– Thomas M. Watt

A seventy-eight year old man bringing a knife to fight a forty-two year old

“I think you’re crazy,” Elenore said. “To bring a knife with you! Are you mad?”

Semore glared back at her. “I’m not paying him another dollar. That man is a menace and he needs to be taught a lesson.”

His wife, Elenore, rubbed the wrinkles into her forehead. “Dear-dear-dear. A seventy-eight year old man bringing a knife to fight a forty-two year old. Whatever happened to golf?”

“I hate golf,” said Semore.

Elenore scoffed.

The longly-wed couple returned to the coffee shop.

“Hey,” said Semore. “I paid for that coffee. I remember.”

The employee shook his head. “No sir, you didn’t. And I’m pretty sure your memory is not the best source. Give me a dollar, and I’ll give you your drink.”

“NO!” said Semore, slamming his fist down into the counter. Everyone around noticed the knife and gasped. “Give me my coffee! I paid for it.”

The employee laughed. “Wow. This is really something, you brought a knife.”

“Damn right I brought a knife, and it’ll be your neck that gets it!”

“Alright, I’ve had it.” He picked up the phone.

“What are you doing?” said Elenore.

“I’m calling the police.”

“Call ’em!” said Semore. “Then pass the phone over to me, so they can arrest you!”

Elenore slapped her husband’s wrist. “Dear! You can’t go to prison! What will you do?”

“I can handle myself dear. I’m going nowhere until he gets me that coffee!”

“Hello, police?” said the employee. “Yeah I got some guy in here creating a disturbance.”

“Semore! Stop this madness!”

Gripping the handle of his blade, Semore flared out his nostrils, then cocked his fist back and threw a punch. He hit the employee square in the nose.

“Dammit! I’m bleeding you idiot!”

“Serves you right!” said Semore.

“Send an officer, he just punched me!”

Finally, a teenager waiting in line with a skateboard slammed a dollar bill down on the counter. “There you go, old man. Quit grumbling.”

Semore and the employee both met eyes until Semore ripped a recently brewed cup-of-something and started away. “There, we’re even.”

“No we’re not!”

Once outside, Semore and Elenore bumped into a hasty officer.

“There a mugging going on in there?”

“Yeah,” said Semore. “Some young punk threatened violence with his skateboard.”

“I’ll get right on it, have a nice day.” The officer tipped his cap and disappeared into the coffee shop.

Elenore took Semore’s arm and smiled.

“What?” said Semore.

“I love you,” she said.

Semore sipped his drink. “Taste like shit.” He tossed the cup to the curb and it spilled into the gutter.

“Semore!”

He smiled and kissed her cheek. “Love you too dear.”

THE END

– Thomas M. Watt

Bye Girl

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Words rain heavy on my face,

Brings with them a weighted pain.

Hear them ringing in my ears,

See them playing to my fears.

Thoughts of humans are so crude,

Tired of seeming oh-so-rude,

Sick of such prolonged frustration,

Hurting from such alienation.

Chirping Flirting Smiling Scoff,

Please just leave if you have a cost.

Cannot pay the bill you’ve laid,

Cannot afford to fall from space.

Got no money for a vice,

Got no patience for false nice.

Seems to just get out of hear,

Need to find another gear.

Need to know it’s not just me,

Who tosses, turns, loses sleep.

How much longer can this thought go,

How many minds can one dream glow.

How much time is left for here,

And will it end with minds this clear.

Must I lose a piece of me,

To gain a slice of humanity?

Do not want to trouble you,

Just want to say my minds on cue.

Liked the way you smiled and laughed,

But care so little about your act.

Do not wish to impress you,

With lies of bold and words that use.

Would much prefer to see you smile,

Laugh it off and stay a while.

Sorry if I’m seeming rude,

But I wanted you, and not some prude.

– Thomas M. Watt