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“Why are you laughing?”
“You’re paranoid baby. I swear, sometimes I wonder if I married a schizophrenic.”
She returns to me again, then playfully straightens out my Montreal Expos cap. “You’re Phillip Gordon! You stand a sexy six-foot four, don’t take shit from nobody, and married the hottest Latina this town has ever seen.” She sets her hand on my knee, then slides it up my thigh, closer to my crotch. “You have a beautiful daughter, named Avery. You’re the greatest football player this town has ever known. And you know what? If anyone gives you shit, just dump enough chlorine in their pools to kill off their entire families. And their little poodles.”
I laugh. “Saying things like that could get you in trouble.”
“I don’t give a fuck what people think, baby! Only you.”
Loretta rubs the crotch part of my jeans with the flat of her palm until she finds my dong. Then, in the sexiest voice you could ever imagine, “You like when I do this?”
Loretta forms her hand into a fist and punches me right in the dick.
“Hey!” I say, then shove her away with a single arm. She giggles like a school girl as she returns to her seat, then smiles to herself while staring out the window. I laugh at first, then the ride turns to silence. No music playing, no conversation – just silence.
“I love you.”
She takes my hand and kisses the back of it. “Love you forever, Phillip Gordon.”
- Thomas M. Watt