*This was originally posted over a year ago. I will have a brand new sketch posted tomorrow at 7:00 AM PST tomorrow. See you then!
STORYTELLING ESSENTIALS: DEEP THIRD PERSON PERSPECTIVE
So you’ve decided to write fiction, but have no idea what perspective to use. You love the way “Hunger Games” reads in first person, and wish to emulate it, but are uncertain how to describe situations and events that might be beyond your main characters current level of intellect. You decide to move to third person, but a short ways in realize that your story lacks emotion – and every time you try to broadcast the feelings of your protagonist, they come directly out-the-mouth through dialogue. Not very effective, seeing as how everyday people don’t commonly say, “I’m really scared right now.” And if they did, they’d be a pretty wimpy hero (Sorry, just saying).
I prefer deep 3rd person perspective. It’s sort of a hybrid of 1st and 3rd person that has become increasingly common in recent years. Here’s what it looks like –
* * *
George walked over to the wobbly wooden table, sat down, then stared at his now-cold cup of coffee. Since he’d first set that mug down, so much had changed…
George took a sip. He needed to think. He needed to be awake, no matter how much he needed to sleep. George groaned, ran his fingers through his oily, slick-backed hair, then crossed his arms and hunched over the table top. What could he do? Where should he start?
He winced his eyes closed, then gulped. The fact that he’d lost had yet to sink in. It was a terrible thought, but the fact that her murderer was still out there gave him something to keep his mind off her gruesome death. The way she looked, half naked, burn marks everywhere, and that thing she had on her face. What was that? Was it even human??
George shuddered then smeared his face. He took another big gulp of coffee, then smeared the brown from his sun-worn lips. He stood up so fast he knocked the mug down to the floor, bringing it to shatter.
He caught himself just short of swearing, then grabbed the chair backing with the tightly closed fold of his hand.
“Barbara,” He said with his eyes closed, then sniffed. “Who did it. For the love of God, show me something. Tell me who murdered you.”
After a short wait in dead silence, George let out a muffled whine, then scrunched his eyelids together.
A creak.
George’s eyes shot open. He slowly raised his gaze, and looked in the direction of the ominous sound. It had come from just above the mantle piece, right where he kept the picture from the fishing contest. The one Barbara always begged him to take down.
George remembered that picture fondly, almost able to smile even now from it. He’d caught the biggest fish in the water that day, won the contest and everything. He never understood why Barbara refused to smile when their photo was taken. He never understood why she always hated that photograph.
The creak sounded again. Same spot.
“Barbara?” Said George. The grin left him. He walked with a kind of slanted focus, keeping half-an eye on the picture. As he crept closet to it he felt his heart begin to beat a little faster.
“Are you… trying to tell me something?”
A thump. The sounds were coming from straight above, up in the attic. George didn’t think much of it – He was too rusty to even consider climbing the ladder to check it out.
George stopped by the picture. He placed his hand over the corner of the frame.
“Oh my God.”
He fell back a step, tripped, then crashed onto the short living room desk. He shut his eyes and pressed his hand to his heart. That man. That man in the picture Barbara had always asked him about. Jim was his name.
George gulped. A quick race of noises came from the attic – like footsteps.
After George won the fishing contest that day, he’d never seen Jim again – until this day. At the crime scene. Why the hell was Jim there, anyway?
George’s eyes flew open. He remembered something else – Jim asked where he was living at nowadays. And George had given him his exact address.
There was another thump from above. George had to get up, but he needed Barbara to help him…
* * *
Okay, so a lot of deep third person perspective in there, but you know what other story telling element was frequently employed? If you tuned in to my post a few days ago, you may have guessed it already – suspense. Once again, suspense is information withheld. Every time you found yourself asking, “Who? What? Why?” That was thanks to suspense, and is an effective tool to keep your readers reading. If you want to be a diligent student of the craft, you’d be wise to find and circle those sentences on your own, that practice employing them in your own scenes. When writing suspense, the questions are more important than the answers. In other words, your mind doesn’t compel you to keep reading because of how awesome the thing on Barbara’s dead face was – it compels you to keep reading because you don’t know what it was, but want to.
Deep third person perspective is merely a blending of plain, straight-forward depiction of events, persons, and things, with the inner thoughts and feelings of the protagonist. To better display the difference in perspectives, let me show you how the opening to this scene would have looked had I written it in third person limited:
George sat down at the wobbly talbe. He rested his hands on it, then let out a short winded breath. He balled his hand into a fist, then uttered a soft moan.
“Barbara… I can’t believe I’ve lost you.”
There was a creak. George raised his eyes to check it out.
The reason you now feel alienated from George, rather than involved with him, is because every description is entirely physical. The voice is that of the author, rather than George’s own, and the scene is akin to what you would see if observing, rather than partaking in. Here is how it may have read in first person:
I sat down in the chair and looked at my cup of coffee. It was cold by now. I couldn’t believe all the events that had transpired since the time I’d first brewed that cup. I couldn’t believe I’d lost Barbara. I couldn’t believe how she’d been killed; the way her body looked.
One of the drawbacks of first person is you must remain in character at all times. Your descriptions, your insights, even your suspense – everything is coming straight from the mind of your protagonist. She is the writer, not you.
Deep third person perspective may sound confusing, but after some practice you’ll get the hang of it. Of course, deep third person is my preference, and every author is different. Some even prefer second person:
You see George sit in the chair. You can tell he’s nervous by the way he stares at his coffee. You watch his hands tremble.
Blows, doesn’t it? Yeah, don’t ever write in second person.
Hope this helps!
– Thomas M. Watt
– Script Analyst for SpecScout.com
– Author of A New Kingdom
Thomas M. Watt 
A pack of good ideas. My problem is with the very first sentence.
“So you’ve decided to write fiction, but have no idea what…”
What POV to use. What language to write in. What the plot should be and what the hero should be wearing. What the genre…
no… my writing doesn’t work like that. I wake up one morning having dreamt either a complete plot, or with an idea that won’t let go of me, in my mind. And I MUST write it down. Doesn’t matter how. The story itself decides if I use first or third person (but third has SO much more possibilities), whether the POV is male, female, an adult, a child or a fictitious being. Sorry, not relevant to the post which is helpful to stacks of writers without a doubt. 😉 This is not an author interview.
Great insights Gipsika, to each his own.
😉 Especially my insight that this is not an author interview.
You write very well. I enjoyed reading your post.
Nice post Thomas. While I typically write in third person, I can think of many great examples of the other perspectives. I’ve played around with 1st and 2nd in writing exercises mostly. One of them I decided to develop fully, Heart of the Phoenix, which I’ll release shortly on the blog. Much of it is in 2nd person and I’d appreciate your feedback. I think it’s compelling but we’ll see.
Looking forward to reading it Brendan, let me know when you post it.
This is great. Keep ’em coming.
Glad you enjoyed!
Great post, Thomas. I’ve always enjoyed writing in first-person but it can be a little inflexible at times. I find it easier to write in first-person but I mostly enjoy books written in third person. Thanks for the insight on POV. I might just write my next novel in a different point of view.
Fatal Lessons 2? I’m excited to read it.
Hey I wanted you to know that I’ve been reading your blog and really utilizing what you write for the redrafting of some of my creative works. Keep up the good work my friend
Likuid,
You’re awesome. That means the world to me, thank you very much for your compliment.
– Tom
Yeah man no problem, if it’s ok with you I’d like to write a post promoting your page as a writing tool on my creative writing site thenightbook.net
Absolutely, thanks a ton!
Whatever POV you write in, you need suspense, action and inner dialogue to push the plot along. I recently read a book called Inner Dialogue and it really helped me see how most writers use a passive voice for that than active. Makes such a difference in the pace of the story. Thanks for your post.
Reblogged this on Still Another Writer's Blog.
Thank you always, Grandtrines!
You´re my go to go for writing tips since I don´t have all the day to really study. Might even start calling you Professor Watt.
Thanks again for the writing tips, sure are of help for a begginer like me and not a lot of time to really study the craft.
Haha, thank you Charly. You’ll be my go-to for advice on becoming a career firefighter.