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Control, guilt, manipulation.

These are the ways heroes fade to grey and become much less than a zero.

The truths we perceive, the things we believe, the ideas we have held as our own –

What can be done for unfortunate ones who are raised to be nothing or something?

And what can be said of the kids who are fed their thoughts from a dream that’s misleading?

Strife isn’t nice when it comes at a price, when success determines one’s meaning.

I’ll say it again for those under ten – your life is your own, respect yours alone, for the takers are always receiving.

– Thomas M. Watt

Running Blind

For months and months been on the run,

Had myself a bit of fun.

Tore down all my truths of old,

Replaced them with some sins so bold.

In the flesh I did reside,

The more you sin the more you die.

It eases e-motional pain,

Sin enough you’ll feel no shame.

But go on you’ll find some trouble,

And when then comes your pride will double.

So sure I was of Christ’s untruth,

I laughed at Christians on youtube.

Dumb it seemed that some believed,

One man could replace our primal needs.

Sacrifice, deny yourself, worry not, you won’t see Hell.

Hahaha, haha, hehe, the things he speaks of I won’t take heed.

For I was sure that I knew better, that heavenly things were not too clever.

Dumb it was to live this life thinking one day you’ll see the light.

What light, what proof, what evidence? Where is this God that some still seek?

Nowhere, nowhere, He goes unseen, but this God of light lets blind men see.

For you see I came to truth – that evil exists, and me it used.

Day by day I could not rest, could not stop sin, did not repent.

But when I prayed my heart did open, God returned, covenant He honored.

Showed me to the days of old, when we were close and I wasn’t so cold.

Amazing how when there’s no evil, you find your own evil has doubled.

But after mocking God is through, and your world has fallen through,

And you’re sure you have no chance, that you have tripped on your last dance,

And of good feelings there’s none left, no way this life holds hope; you’re doomed.

That’s when I think it’s time to pray, and if you listen, you’ll know why I say –

That God who lives up high above, that God who you so boldly told –

That with all your heart you don’t believe, who you once deemed a mental disease,

That same God you went against, He will still be there when you’re on the fence,

And it won’t be long before you see, that God so loves you, He’s all you need.

– Thomas M. Watt

Unsweet Thoughts

To love for some is just pretend,

to love for some is a fond friend.

To love for some means happy ends,

to love for some means heartbreaks mend.

But to others love does mean,

a short rushed feeling the length of dreams.

When your eyes open again, there you are alone in bed.

Alone again just like before, eyes wide open with one new shut door.

You toss and turn to fall asleep,

but when you do the dream’s not sweet.

It has turned into a nightmare,

thoughts of once sweet things now fright you.

To love for some means happy thoughts,

but to others means future sleeps loss.

– Thomas M. Watt

Run Faster

Dream a dream of words and sleep,

live a life of hope and deeds.

Pray you won’t waste another day,

Waiting for the grey to fade.

Rise today and raise your wings,

To your fears I say you scream:

This world is mean, at times obscene, at times I seek a sign to see.

I say I say I say to you, the truth of fear is it’s untrue.

There is no thing you cannot do, no dream that can’t be made real too.

No reason to lie to yourself and say “I can’t” or “Well I fell.”

For when we struggle we feel some pain, and in that pain we don’t see gain.

But if you rise and rise again, push through the pain and play pretend –

If you run when you can’t see – you’ll finish first, then believe me.

– Thomas M. Watt

Try

Day by day by day by day,

I laze and wait then think and stay.

Time goes by until tomorrow, then comes some more with the same sorrow.

Tired of mundane depression, scared to try and face rejection…

Or regression to this same state, the ground don’t hurt it’s the fall I hate.

Up and up and up I climbed, ’till my hand slipped and then I fly’d.

Near the top, I climbed that high, but that misstep was my last try.

At first I kicked my arms and legs, reaching to grab what I once played.

And as I fell down from the sky, my eyes did struggle to not cry.

After I crashed I settled in, waiting to die, not re-begin.

I stand and think and think some more, dwell a lot on painful sores.

It hurts it hurts it hurts so bad! How can I climb when I can’t stand?

No more God, no more good doing. No more dreams, no more hope spewing. No more prayers for more good graces, no more thanksgiving, He can’t replace her. No more right track lest I go wrong again, no more rising means no descent.

I’ll just lie here until I die, thinking glumly and seeking highs. Drown my brain in lull and sleep, ease my soul with soul-less deeds.

Checkout that ass, give me that food, I’ll take a drink of scotch or booze. Some more tobacco, a cigarette, I’ll fuck that girl who I just met. Or no I’ll break her little heart, do what I can to make her depart.

Hate and hate and hate some more, destroy my body ’till it’s no more. Blind myself with thoughts of doom, end my hope till it’s no use. Joy is those who next come here, faith are those who stand real near.

How comforting it is to know, way up high, I’ll never go. Never climb that high again, never make another friend. Never fall in love with her, never mistake my own dead-end. Never one more situation, that risks the chance of escalation.

No more sadness, no more pain, just endless, constant, life-refrain. Hurt and hate and destroy some more, until with past I’ve evened the score.

But then today I looked around, and realized I’ve been here a while. And if I climb I’ll fall again, maybe ten times more than ten.

But maybe I should get up and try, before another day goes by.

Maybe pain is one example, of what you get from trying ample.

Where’s that ladder? I’ll climb that bitch, then rejoice in heaven, with those who finished.

– Thomas M. Watt

Hello Good Morning

 

Hello, good morning, good day to you.

No more frowns or thoughts of doom.

Let’s be happy just this once,

Let’s have a laugh and then a bunch.

No need to be so over-dramatic,

No need to live by overreacting.

It’s not the time to up and quit,

When will you realize it’s pursuit that wins?

Lovely laughing laughing lots.

Smile widely there is no cost.

No need to fret or disagree,

Just take my hand and laugh with me.

– Thomas M. Watt

My Dear Ago

My Dear Ago

by guest blogger 

 

Time has stripped those most precious years away from me, each one a blatant act of petty theft

Faded memories and worn out stories are sadly, but wholly, much of what I have left.

One tale in particular, it strikes me right quick. A riddled love story I still aim to solve –

A marriage to a man. Shall we call him Ago? Ago the enigma, I’d say. My epiphanies evolve

This affair, it caused me great woe and torment, yet I had a special love for Ago. I suppose I still do

We danced through life together, a stunning dance. I wish now to share that dance with you

 

We met at an early age – too young to care really. I wouldn’t dare say love at first sight

I didn’t think much of him at the time, what ignorance! This ignorance would end up our plight

Innocent though it was we grew aware – a deepening feeling. How deep? Well that’s murky

We noticed each other, splashing moments. But where ripples met remained a mystery that irked me

Oh Ago, I must disclaim it was strange at times. I’d catch him in my thoughts unbeknownst his aim…

Were my best interests in his mind? We danced. I presume this muse is why some call love a game

 

Our younger years together; ‘twas a passionate but tumultuous tango that entailed us

You see, rarely did we see eye to eye. But I was brazen and he, timid. Hence I’d frequently prevail

Many nights I cherished with Ago, we’d lie in bed and take comfort in the company

Venting our daily trepidations; and they’d melt away and we’d drift away into a nightly harmony

My dear Ago, Oh how it was so! At times together we’d be the life of the party! We could do no wrong

But other moments soiled. Shots of anger fired between us, where blame ran high and scorn ran long

 

Ago and I grew older. But steadier. The conclusion we were meant together became clear

When the foggy veil draped over our love dissolved, a heavy comprehension began to appear

Mind you, I forewarned you of this riddled love. How exactly this flowering took place is hard to tell

Change is viewed best in the Past, Ago and I didn’t notice. We were cast under Present’s spell

My life, my friends would come and go. Affairs, oh I had plenty! Ago would scold me so, I’d cry

I digress, ignorance drove a wedge between us. My ignorance. Yet Ago, he took my mistakes in stride

 

It is here I leave you, withered and worn. These memories of my strongest love haunt me most

Alas! Regrets flood me. We could have been more! I took for granted Ago, now I pay with morose

An old friend now he remains, seldom we converse. Mostly recollecting golden memories shared

Old friends and flames have long since been doused, a sliver of me vanquished with each flare

Still Ago, my dear sweet Ago, he silently flickers. My friend! My enemy! My Love! Can you now see?

I recite to you my dance with Ago, Ago the enigma. I shall tell you his true name, why, it’s Me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello to You

Hello to you with silent breath,

I hear your thoughts and struggled quest.

I’m sorry if you feel so bad. I’m sorry if you don’t feel glad.

I’m sorry if you feel so empty. I’m sorry if your dreams are heavy.

I’m sorry that you hate hope too. I’m sorry that depresses you.

I’m sorry if things didn’t work out. I’m sorry if the time ran out.

I’m sorry if you waste the days, waiting for grey clouds to rain.

I’m sorry if you feel alone. Sorry if you hate your phone.

Sorry if you’ve been betrayed, felt a loss, called deranged.

But there’s not much that I can do, except to say I’ve felt that too.

And when we breath with heavy chests with thoughts of lonely and great unrest,

And when we suck and can’t do shit and all is wrong and life’s a bitch,

That’s when you need to stand and say, “There’s still a chance, so fuck the grey.”

Because from deep anguish your heart rises, from great loss new hope surmises.

From your hatred of yourself, from your knowledge of no help, 

Comes a force from deep within, it helps you out, it’s why you’ll win.

For what more can they say to you, when you’ve lost all yet pulled on through?

You will win and shout and say, “I felt the loss, I did decay, I was depressed, I did delay. But then one day I stood and saw, a heart’s as heavy as its boss. Sorry folks but I refuse to curl all up and amuse you. No more laughing, no more scoffs, I’ve come to tell you no man’s lost.”

For on that day when they beat you, push you down, leave you bruised. You can rise if just you know it, turn around and make them notice. As much pain is in your chest as bad as hurt feels from this test, as much as God sounds like nonsense and as low as you feel from the rest, if you just rise and please believe – You only lose if you don’t breathe. 

– Thomas M. Watt

The Crowds

Weary achy tired mood.

Lips of others sound no good.

All this speaking of bull-shit, too much saying your thoughts I quit.

What ever happened to that one kid who said what he said and did what he did?

Where are the people who used to laugh loud because something was funny and they just messed around.

What’s wrong McWatty? Why don’t you laugh? Don’t you know cheese goes to mightiest rats?

I’ll tell you right now because I don’t jive with that. I care little for respecting big bears with big hats. I care nothing for circles who speak this and that. I like to talk about real thoughts and speak. I like to listen and help fill some needs. I like to build to grow and to share. For some tearing down I do not ever dare. 

Hello big crowd I see you’re all laughing. Sorry to say I find mighty rats nasty. As far as the bear with big hats and the claws, as far as the way social groups talk – Not down with it. Not up with it either. I’ve been on the bottom and I’ve met something deeper. You know who He is so I don’t have to say it, but one more last thing I save my laugh for later.  

– Thomas M. Watt

How To Write

Morning comes, nights fly by, hour-to-hour and most words die.

Don’ t stop writing, no I don’t, trying hard to get much wrote.

Never tire, always sweat, not quite happy, not quite upset.

This is the life of trying hard, of perseverance, of living poor.

Simple style, basic’s best, no need to shout or pound your chest.

Learn a thing or two from me – don’t worry much, don’t reach to deep.

Things are simple, yes they are, the heart is gold, the brain it lies.

Listen careful, see me speak, hear my eyes, confused I think.

All right one more I’ll end with this –

If you want to write just never quit.

– Thomas M. Watt