(Reporters are all sleeping, Snobert and Bill are chuckling together, and Aaron enters wearing a loin cloth with a mullet and a jackhammer. McWatty9 enters from behind red curtain wearing nothing but swim trunks. He stands before the podium)
McWatty9 – Hello Wattie nation, greetings to you all. Let me start out with a sincere apology for my recent lack-of-post, and lack of quality posts.
I sincerely apologize.
There, now that that’s out of the way, let me inform you as to why I have been absent – Way of the World. It is the first book in my trilogy, and I have to have it prepared for a big-time writers conference this weekend. I’ve had business cards made, and I’m presently working around the clock to get my website looking spic-and-spam. I’ve been doing two paintings a day, all of which I PROMISE you are better than that garbage I posted earlier today. I need the oils to dry before I can scan them, however. So, after this weekend, I fully intend on tearing-shit-up on this blog once again, and may even be linking this blog with my website. Any questions?
Bill – Yeah, uhh, that painting you posted today?
McWatty9 – Yes, Michael enters Gnashing. What about it?
Bill – Yeah I just wanted you to know we all thought it was crap.
McWatty9 – (Head down) Thanks…
(Bill and Snobert high five)
Snobert – Hey McWatty9!
McWatty9 – Yeah?
Snobert – Suck-it!
McWatty – Great. Anyone else?
(Aaron, wearing a loincloth and a mullet, with a jackhammer clasped in his hands, stands up)
McWatty9 – Yeah, Aaron, what’dya got for me?
(Aaron starts jackhammering)
McWatty9 – Aaron!
Aaron – What?
McWatty9 – (Scratching head until Aaron finally turns jackhammer off) You mad or something?
Aaron – It’s ok I’m used to be cheated on.
McWatty9 – What, because I’ve been painting rather than blogging?
Aaron – Dude I’m joking I wouldn’t get mad about that, what am I a fourteen year old girl?
McWatty9 – Oh okay, gotcha.
Aaron – What, did I just go through an emotionally traumatic event?
McWatty9 – …not that I’m aware of.
Aaron – Did my dog just die?
McWatty9 – No, I get it.
Aaron – If Earth and Venus were touching and they were covered in a forest that’s how big and hairy my balls are now stop worrying about my feelings GFYS!
McWatty9 – Well-
Aaron – Because they’re so massive all I have feelings for is when I’m going to eat the next steak, do work, and crush pussy GFYS!
McWatty9 – (pressing hands out) Alright, okay. Settle down. I-
Aaron – Now excuse me while I go blowdry my large sweaty balls while I listen to heavy metal. It shouldn’t take but a few hours.
(Aaron leaves, loud blow dryer can be heard immediately after door to press room closes)
McWatty9 – Alright, well… that about wraps it up. Sorry if I’ve disappointed any of you, I hope to have some better news for you all next time.
(McWatty9 exits stage, reporters all boo, Snobert and Bill throw tomatoes and a yellow pepper at him)