Master – 3.1

Click here to start from the beginning!

Ch. 2

CHAPTER 3

A muscular trashcan clothed in a pinstriped suit sits across from me. Hair slicked-back, big square glasses, and a fiery glare so intense I swear he wants to kill me.

“You’re scared,” he says, scribbling in his notebook.

The sun shines in through the window, where parked cars, trees, and a graffiti-ed fire hydrant can be seen down below. I’m in a psychiatry office, but I have no memory of driving here.

“Talk about your failure as a football player.”

“What?”

“You were a great college player; one of the greatest ever to play the game. If you would have continued, you could have been a superstar. But you quit.” The psychiatrist pauses, then looks up from his notepad with a flick of his eyes. “Why, did you stop?”

“I don’t recall your name, doctor… what was it again?”

“Master.”

I laugh. “Master? That’s what you want me to call you?”

“Yes.” ‘Master’ pulls a lighter out from his pocket, then flicks the flame on. He lets go of the switch, then does it again. “Why did you give up on your lifelong dream, Mr. Gordon?”

“I don’t see it that way, doc, never have. I was in love, and my daughter Avery was on the way. To be honest with you, professional football isn’t really the right environment to start-”

“Fear.” Master stands up, then walks over to a desk. On top of the desk is a canister of gasoline. He begins to walk in a big circle around the room, carrying the gasoline at his side. “Fear drives us to make desperate decisions. In your case, you quit because you knew it was a matter of time before others discovered the truth.”

“What truth?”

Master pauses, then smiles kindly. “I’m sorry, Mr. Gordon, but I feel it would be rude to leave you wife waiting for a minute longer. Do you mind if she joins us? I know it’s a bit of a surprise, but I can assure you this session will be better spent with her present.”

CLICK HERE FOR 3.2!

• Thomas M. Watt

Master – 2.1

Click here to start from the beginning

I remove my Montreal Expos cap and take a step forward. I snag a firm grip of his shoulder, then stare straight into his eyes.

“One day, God-willing, you’re going to have a child of your own. And when you do, you’re going to raise that kid and do everything you can to keep him from becoming the person you once were; maybe the person you are now. When that day comes, I want you to look in your child’s eyes, and ask yourself – was it worth having this child? All the sleepless nights, all the extra-payments, all the stress that comes along with caring for a family?”

“Fuck that, I don’t do relationships.”

I smile. “Have a good day, son.” I turn around to face my wife. “Let’s go, babe.”

She frowns, then takes my hand. We leave.

CHAPTER 2

My Dodge pickup sounds like it gurgles cement as we bump along the road. Loretta unbuckles her seat belt, then leans over the center console and wraps both her arms around my right bicep.

“Let it go, baby,” she says, then kisses my shoulder.

“We should move,” I say.

“Why?” Loretta springs back.

“I don’t want to live here anymore. I don’t want Avery growing up here.”

“You and I grew up here. We have family here.”

“I don’t want Avery dealing with the same bullshit I do. She shouldn’t have to deal with these questions.”

“What questions?”

“C’mon Loretta, you want me to say it?”

“Say what?”

“The fact that I was an NFL prodigy who quit. Fact that the same people who thought I’d be rich and famous call me when their pool’s got too many leaves floating on top.”

Loretta laughs. She sits back in her own seat, crosses her arms, and stares out her window.

“What?”

She looks at me, rubs the tip of her nose, and turns away.

Click here for 2.2!

– Thomas M. Watt

Try

Day by day by day by day,

I laze and wait then think and stay.

Time goes by until tomorrow, then comes some more with the same sorrow.

Tired of mundane depression, scared to try and face rejection…

Or regression to this same state, the ground don’t hurt it’s the fall I hate.

Up and up and up I climbed, ’till my hand slipped and then I fly’d.

Near the top, I climbed that high, but that misstep was my last try.

At first I kicked my arms and legs, reaching to grab what I once played.

And as I fell down from the sky, my eyes did struggle to not cry.

After I crashed I settled in, waiting to die, not re-begin.

I stand and think and think some more, dwell a lot on painful sores.

It hurts it hurts it hurts so bad! How can I climb when I can’t stand?

No more God, no more good doing. No more dreams, no more hope spewing. No more prayers for more good graces, no more thanksgiving, He can’t replace her. No more right track lest I go wrong again, no more rising means no descent.

I’ll just lie here until I die, thinking glumly and seeking highs. Drown my brain in lull and sleep, ease my soul with soul-less deeds.

Checkout that ass, give me that food, I’ll take a drink of scotch or booze. Some more tobacco, a cigarette, I’ll fuck that girl who I just met. Or no I’ll break her little heart, do what I can to make her depart.

Hate and hate and hate some more, destroy my body ’till it’s no more. Blind myself with thoughts of doom, end my hope till it’s no use. Joy is those who next come here, faith are those who stand real near.

How comforting it is to know, way up high, I’ll never go. Never climb that high again, never make another friend. Never fall in love with her, never mistake my own dead-end. Never one more situation, that risks the chance of escalation.

No more sadness, no more pain, just endless, constant, life-refrain. Hurt and hate and destroy some more, until with past I’ve evened the score.

But then today I looked around, and realized I’ve been here a while. And if I climb I’ll fall again, maybe ten times more than ten.

But maybe I should get up and try, before another day goes by.

Maybe pain is one example, of what you get from trying ample.

Where’s that ladder? I’ll climb that bitch, then rejoice in heaven, with those who finished.

– Thomas M. Watt

The Worst Kind of Marriage – Part 4

Part 1 –

• https://thomasmwatt.wordpress.com/2013/11/02/the-worst-kind-of-marriage-part-1/

Part 2 –

• https://thomasmwatt.wordpress.com/2013/11/03/the-worst-kind-of-marriage-part-2/

Part 3 –

• https://thomasmwatt.wordpress.com/2013/11/04/the-worst-kind-of-marriage-part-3/

Bethany was locked in the closet with Amanda, the young bible-clenching girl who had made the terrible mistake of knocking on Huerto’s door.

“We need to get out of here,” said Amanda. She was blonde and had a fresh black eye.

“I know.”

“Can we? I mean, how has he managed to keep you here?”

“Every window is boarded up. Every room is locked from the outside. He’s always within reaching distance of his rifle. And he never has any visitors over,” said Bethany. She’d been locked in the house with Huerto for four months.

Amanda swatted the hanger poking her. “What happened to you? I mean… why did he stab you?”

Bethany swallowed. “We got in a fight this morning.”

“About?”

Bethany felt her wound and winced. She stood at a hunch – upright hurt too badly. “I asked to go outside. Even if it meant having a gun in my side.”

“And?”

Bethany looked down and ran a hand straight through her dark hair. “And he got upset, picked up a knife, then stabbed me.” She sniffed. “A minute later he got out of bed to ‘make us some breakfast’.”

Amanda’s face went blank. “What kind of man is he?”

“He’s not a man,” said Bethany. “He’s a coward. A sicko with a gun.”

“I wish I never came here.”

A shout came from the other room. “Marriage ceremony! Later today, Huerto and the bitch with the bible!”

Bethany shot a glance at Amanda. “Marriage ceremony…”

“What?”

Bethany swallowed. “I know what he’s about to do. He’s going to wed you with the rifle barrel pressed to your temple.”

“So?”

“So,” Bethany said, licking her lips before going on. “So maybe that’s my time to do something. I remember where the knife is that stabbed me. If I can manage to get hold of it in secret, maybe I can kill him before he knows what hit him.”

“But won’t that put me in danger?”

“What?” said Bethany.

“If you lunge to stab him when his gun is at my head he’ll shoot me, and I’ll die.”

Bethany bit her fingernail.

“C’mon,” said the teenage girl. “You can’t take that risk-“

“In all the time I’ve been here, not once have I had the chance to hurt him. Today I’m either going to bleed to death or fight back. What would you do?”

Amanda looked terrified.

“What?”

“Please don’t get me killed.”

Before Bethany could respond, the lock clicked and Huerto swung the door open. “Wedding ceremony, upstairs!” He pointed his rifle at Amanda. “Get out.”

He waited for Amanda and Bethany to exit, then walked behind them. Bethany led the way, eyes glued ahead. Blood continued to drip down her nightie and the pain was getting worse. She could feel her legs shake as she stepped up the stairs.

Her eyes were dark, as was her hair, but her skin was pale. As they reached the top of the stairs her breath intensified. A strange feeling mixed with all the pain, fear and anger she’d had to live, day in, day out.

It was hope.

Part 5, Coming Soon!

 – Thomas M. Watt

 

The Worst Kind of Marriage – PART 3

Part 1 –

• https://thomasmwatt.wordpress.com/2013/11/02/the-worst-kind-of-marriage-part-1/

Part 2 –

• https://thomasmwatt.wordpress.com/2013/11/03/the-worst-kind-of-marriage-part-2/

Bethany was in the closet, towel wrapped around her mouth and her bleeding stomach in her hands. Bethany’s husband, Huerto, had locked her inside. He was also the twisted man who stabbed her.

She listened in as he opened the front door, and hoped to God the visitor was a policeman.

“Hello? Can I help you?” said Huerto.

“Good morning sir, I just came to talk to you about the good book.”

“Oh?”

“Do you mind if I come in?”

There was a brief pause. “You know what, fine. Come on in,” said Mr. Huerto.

Bethany wanted to cry. She wanted to pout and shout or punch her fist into the wall but she knew it was too late. No matter what sound or shriek she made it would do nothing to help. As soon as she heard the door fasten close, she knew all hope was lost.

“Why don’t you come in here little lady,” said Huerto. “Got something I’d like to show you.”

Despite knowledge of her effort’s futility, Bethany started smacking around in the closet chaotically. She screamed as loud as she could, though her voice never left her head. She flopped around, whacking the clothing all around her, and began kicking the door as loudly as she could.

The door to the closet swung open. A chain rattle swiftly and an overhanging lightbulb turned on.  She saw Huerto’s pock-marked face. He wore a brown wig like it were a loaf of bread, and always wore one of those blue button downs with the birds and flowers. Huerto slapped Bethany across one cheek, then the other, before finally throwing the young teenage girl visitor at her. Holding the bible into her chest, the young girl had a black mark on one eye and a towel wrapped around her mouth. She met eyes with Bethany.

Huerto rubbed his hands. “All right, all right. I’ve never had two wives before. Hmm.” He laughed, then pulled them both in for a hug. They didn’t hug back.

“Well, you two wait here while I go figure some stuff out. I’m excited to have you at the Huerto residence Amanda.

Amanda tried to yell, but it expelled like a hum.

A tear ran down Bethany’s cheek.

Huerto smiled, poked Bethany in the tit with the barrel of his rifle, then shut the door to the closet and locked the two of them up together.

Bethany reached out and hugged the girl, who began shaking convulsively. After wrapping her hands around her head Bethany managed to undue Amanda’s towel. Not that it would do any good, a shout was only as good as its nearest set of ears.

After a lengthy struggle, Amanda returned the favor and removed Bethany’s gag.

“I’m Bethany.”

“How long have you been here?” said Amanda.

“Too long.” She looked down, then back up again. “I’m sorry.”

Amanda looked away. Her lower lip was trembling. “What’s going to happen now?”

“I don’t know. I need to get treatment.”

“What happened?” said Amanda, before noticing the river of blood staining Bethany’s gown. “Oh my…” She covered her mouth and her blue eyes widened. She looked mortified.

“Fight with the husband.” Bethany smiled as best she could.

They laughed. Weakly, but they laughed.

Part 4, Coming Soon!

– Thomas M. Watt

Let me Explain…

Ok. After surgery yesterday all was well. In fact, thanks to my prescription of Oxycontin and a number of other drugs, life couldn’t have been better. I just finished typing up a rambling blog post and was sitting back to enjoy, “Now you see me,” when I realized something –

I couldn’t move my left hand. It was dead to the touch hours after surgery. I tried to wiggle my fingers, but none would budge.

After dialing several random numbers of friends who couldn’t help even if they wanted, I tore outside, wearing half-a-shirt and some pajama pants.

To put it simply, I was freaking out. Man.

I pounded on my neighbor’s door, continuing well after he’d spotted me through the window and was fast already approaching. I told him about my hand, asking if it was normal (Don’t you love asking questions when you’re panicking?).

He got his shoes on and we were readying to go to the E.R. when I was reminded there was an on-call number to dial. I called it, and shortly discovered that my symptoms were completely normal. I had received a nerve block, which apparently blocks your nerves from working… for a temporary amount of time.

I spent the next ten minutes sitting on my couch sweating profusely and breathing heavily. Hysteria is not so fun when you are high on drugs.

The Road is Bumpy So Bring A Lot of Persistence

“I’m a loser,” began the loser, “but I’m going to keep on trying anyways,” finished the winner. 

Now See the Crown

On the ground looking down endless sounds of silence abound,

Feel afraid worry’s craze mess of thoughts like dreams un-made.

Breath is weak,

heart is heavy,

craving big,

loss is steady.

Turning left, turning right, neither way presents much sight,

Look above, see that dove? the soft warm white of looking dumb?

Think again my childish friend, see it harder the way is smarter.

Reach out, pick yourself up, jump again and feel that flood –

Of hope not drowned, of ways soon found, a road to go where you’ll be crowned.

Walk that path, strut that shit, bounce that chin and act legit.

Behave, your ready, no more kidding, this road’s the one where you beat many.

– Thomas M. Watt

Tragic Heart of the True Believer

True believer how I fear,

The current trend of worldly tears.

True believer know I know,

The pain of heart few others know.

True believer know I see too,

The sights you see and things you do.

True believer be not afraid, the God of yours is not decayed.

He is there, speaking with you, He is the one whom I know too.

He is the one who answers prayers, fixes problems and always cares.

Don’t be saddened by worldly loss, the pain that comes with natural thoughts.

When your eyes open they might state, this path of yours is too much too take.

I know it’s hard and it’s not fair, when no one sees the cross you bear.

Other laugh and feel joy too, and yet you hurt to do God’s will.

Am I an idiot, is God true, am I simply out of tune?

Am I crazy, am I misled, is faith the way of just pretend?

Do not worry, do not cry. Trust the Lord, He will provide.

– Thomas M. Watt

(Photo courtesy of freelance astronomer Dan Watt. See more of his amazing photos at http://www.pocketrubbish.com)

Struggling Child – Struggle On

Worried child,

Problems tell,

Stories go with them as well.

I see your struggle, all your fears,

I see you’re worried, but comfort’s here.

Look around you to those who grow,

See how struggle’s one all know.

And those who don’t, will someday,

For sometimes struggle is delayed.

In that moment, when you are down,

do observe the sights and sounds.

See the athletes, those who win,

are those who persevere within.

What is this mind’s fear of faith,

What fall hurts too much to face?

Rise above, live with God, go on to fight with good sights sought.

I tell you this, about your push –

Lack of faith won’t make life cush.

– Thomas M. Watt

(Painting courtesy of Andrew Farmer at andrewfarmerfineart.wordpress.com)