Julie and Benjamin – Part 3

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“You’ve done broken in to ma private property,” said the man with the rifle.

Benjamin and Julie stood staring at the figure. The lit cigarette in his mouth provided for the sole source of light in the shed. It was enough to reveal a foul interior – dead rats were hanging from the ceiling by their tails, and empty turtle shells covered the floor.

“What do you want?” said Julie.

The man chuckled. “All I wants is justice.”

“Justice?” said Benjamin.

“Yeah, ye know, justice! Two handcuffed law-breakers done break into my private property!”

“Just let us leave!” said Benjamin. “Please, sir!”

“NO!” screamed the man. “You don’t get to go.”

“Well what do you want?” said Julie.

“I wants to shoot ya, of course!”

Benjamin started to speak, but before he could get out a word his wife Julie shoved the shed door open and dragged him out, by the iron-chain handcuffs linking them together.

The shot boomed loudly, but the man missed. He fired a couple more rounds, but they escaped from his property alive and stopped to catch their breath on the sidewalk.

“That was close!” said Benjamin.

Julie punched his arm as best she could. “I hate you!”

“What? Why?” said Benjamin.

“You’re such a wimp! You would have let us die there!”

“Well we shouldn’t even be in this predicament in the first place! A police themed Halloween party, really? You made me steal regulation uniforms from the station for that? What’s the matter with you Julie?!”

Julie grew misty eyed. “I just wanted to do something fun. For once, I wanted to do something fun.”

Out of nowhere, three police cruisers pulled up and stopped on the pavement just short of them. The lights flashed brightly and one of them spoke over the loudspeaker.

“Get down on the ground! Get down on the ground!”

Julie sniffed, and started to lower. “Guess this is it then. This is where it ends.”

Benjamin looked at her, back at the cops, then back at his wife. “No.” He tugged the chain bonding them his way.

“What?” she said.

“GET DOWN ON THE GROUND!” Came the shout over the police speaker.

Benjamin smiled, then whispered. “Run.”

He bolted, and Julie followed behind. The cruisers burnt rubber to start after them.

“Benjamin!” Julie screamed. “How are you planning to get away? There are police cars covering the area, and police-in-uniform at the end of the street!”

“I have a way!” He said, yelling over the sound of their foot smacks. “We might die, but I think it could work!”

“We might DIE?

The husband and wife continued their flight. The cruisers were right behind them.

PART 4, COMING SOON!

– Thomas M. Watt

Press Briefing – Sept. 24th

(Reporters are all sleeping, Snobert and Bill are chuckling together, and Aaron enters wearing a loin cloth with a mullet and a jackhammer. McWatty9 enters from behind red curtain wearing nothing but swim trunks. He stands before the podium)

McWatty9 – Hello Wattie nation, greetings to you all. Let me start out with a sincere apology for my recent lack-of-post, and lack of quality posts.

I sincerely apologize.

There, now that that’s out of the way, let me inform you as to why I have been absent – Way of the World. It is the first book in my trilogy, and I have to have it prepared for a big-time writers conference this weekend. I’ve had business cards made, and I’m presently working around the clock to get my website looking spic-and-spam. I’ve been doing two paintings a day, all of which I PROMISE you are better than that garbage I posted earlier today. I need the oils to dry before I can scan them, however. So, after this weekend, I fully intend on tearing-shit-up on this blog once again, and may even be linking this blog with my website. Any questions?

Bill – Yeah, uhh, that painting you posted today?

McWatty9 – Yes, Michael enters Gnashing. What about it?

Bill – Yeah I just wanted you to know we all thought it was crap.

McWatty9 – (Head down) Thanks…

(Bill and Snobert high five)

Snobert – Hey McWatty9!

McWatty9 – Yeah?

Snobert – Suck-it!

McWatty – Great. Anyone else?

(Aaron, wearing a loincloth and a mullet, with a jackhammer clasped in his hands, stands up)

McWatty9 – Yeah, Aaron, what’dya got for me?

(Aaron starts jackhammering)

McWatty9 – Aaron!

Aaron – What?

McWatty9 – (Scratching head until Aaron finally turns jackhammer off) You mad or something?

Aaron – It’s ok I’m used to be cheated on.

McWatty9 – What, because I’ve been painting rather than blogging?

Aaron – Dude I’m joking I wouldn’t get mad about that, what am I a fourteen year old girl?

McWatty9 – Oh okay, gotcha.

Aaron – What, did I just go through an emotionally traumatic event?

McWatty9 – …not that I’m aware of.

Aaron – Did my dog just die?

McWatty9 – No, I get it.

Aaron – If Earth and Venus were touching and they were covered in a forest that’s how big and hairy my balls are now stop worrying about my feelings GFYS!

McWatty9 – Well-

Aaron – Because they’re so massive all I have feelings for is when I’m going to eat the next steak, do work, and crush pussy GFYS!

McWatty9 – (pressing hands out) Alright, okay. Settle down. I-

Aaron – Now excuse me while I go blowdry my large sweaty balls while I listen to heavy metal. It shouldn’t take but a few hours.

(Aaron leaves, loud blow dryer can be heard immediately after door to press room closes)

McWatty9 – Alright, well… that about wraps it up. Sorry if I’ve disappointed any of you, I hope to have some better news for you all next time.

(McWatty9 exits stage, reporters all boo, Snobert and Bill throw tomatoes and a yellow pepper at him)