Running Blind

For months and months been on the run,

Had myself a bit of fun.

Tore down all my truths of old,

Replaced them with some sins so bold.

In the flesh I did reside,

The more you sin the more you die.

It eases e-motional pain,

Sin enough you’ll feel no shame.

But go on you’ll find some trouble,

And when then comes your pride will double.

So sure I was of Christ’s untruth,

I laughed at Christians on youtube.

Dumb it seemed that some believed,

One man could replace our primal needs.

Sacrifice, deny yourself, worry not, you won’t see Hell.

Hahaha, haha, hehe, the things he speaks of I won’t take heed.

For I was sure that I knew better, that heavenly things were not too clever.

Dumb it was to live this life thinking one day you’ll see the light.

What light, what proof, what evidence? Where is this God that some still seek?

Nowhere, nowhere, He goes unseen, but this God of light lets blind men see.

For you see I came to truth – that evil exists, and me it used.

Day by day I could not rest, could not stop sin, did not repent.

But when I prayed my heart did open, God returned, covenant He honored.

Showed me to the days of old, when we were close and I wasn’t so cold.

Amazing how when there’s no evil, you find your own evil has doubled.

But after mocking God is through, and your world has fallen through,

And you’re sure you have no chance, that you have tripped on your last dance,

And of good feelings there’s none left, no way this life holds hope; you’re doomed.

That’s when I think it’s time to pray, and if you listen, you’ll know why I say –

That God who lives up high above, that God who you so boldly told –

That with all your heart you don’t believe, who you once deemed a mental disease,

That same God you went against, He will still be there when you’re on the fence,

And it won’t be long before you see, that God so loves you, He’s all you need.

– Thomas M. Watt

Would you kill the love of your life if…

What if the love of your life lost their mind, and their inability to show restraint during a time of crisis was putting your own life at risk?

What if a group were chasing after you, and one loud noise would give away your position and get you killed?

Would you risk hurting someone you loved to save yourself?

What if hurting them were your only option, and the future of humanity depended on YOUR survival??

James faces the same predicament in the following excerpt. To give you some context:

– James is locked in a hidden prison room.

– Zephrons are giant red aliens who invaded planet earth and enslaved whatever humans they chose not kill.

– The night of the invasion, a group of locals escaped to an underground military base. They were soon afterward indoctrinated by Colonel Fitz, who considers himself to be the new messiah. This scene takes place in that underground base.

– The zephrons are going to wipe out the rest of humanity in one day…

And James is the only person who can stop them.

* * *

CHAPTER 52

James’ stomach grumbled loudly. He hadn’t eaten a good meal since before his sentence to the picking plant. He looked around aimlessly for something edible to distract him. Nothing. Only the doggie saucer of water. He took handfuls from it, desperately hoping for the water to trick his stomach. He began weeping as he drank.

“I wanna marry you,” said Penny.

James raised his head. Penny moved in, then began licking water out from the bowl. James crawled backwards then clutched himself and began to rock. He smeared dry the tip of his nose, then looked across the room to Spes’ cell.

“Do not worry, human. It will never-”

“Never what!” James screamed. He stood up, grabbed the prison cell bars, then shook them. “What do you want me to do? My best friend is dead, my dad is dead, and tomorrow morning, every human on the surface of the earth will be dead! And here I am.” He grabbed both sides of his hair and breathed chaotically. “Stuck in a prison cell, unable to do anything about it.” He squinted back at them and pointed his index finger. “And you idiots expect me to believe that this is God’s plan? That somehow my being here is going to help me conquer the zephrons?”

“Calm down, human. God knows-”

“God knows, God knows, you know what? God knows shit. That’s what I think. If you want something done you’ve got to do it yourself, period.”

A humming noise came from outside. The door started to creak open to the corridor, and Fitz entered in. He held the ring of keys.

“Well well well, traitor.” He walked over to James with the key ring in one hand, a rifle in the other. “I get your bicep, in case you were wondering.”

“What happened to Roy? What happened to your daughter?”

“I locked Penny up for disobeying me. She was hanging around that drunk loser after I forbid her to.”
“And Roy?”

“Why don’t you ask her?”
“I did.”

“Well? Did she tell you?”

“She’s a little kooky if you haven’t noticed.”

Fitz smiled. “Roy is dead.”

“From a bullet?”
He nodded.

James lowered his head. “Suicide.”

“Not suicide.”

James looked back up.

Fitz grinned and pointed to himself. “That was all me.”
“You killed Roy?”

Just then, the ambulance sirens in the hallway began going off – the same that were triggered whenever someone stepped out from the elevator and entered the underground base. They were soon accompanied by the sounds of zephron howls. Human shrieks quickly followed.

“You led them back here!” said Fitz.

James tried to shake his head as Fitz raised his rifle.

“You led them-”

Janie ran in and tackled Fitz. The ring of keys dropped to the ground, but the rifle remained in his grasp.

“My king! My king! We have to go!”

Greg, Juan, and the other underground council members rushed in. They grabbed Fitz and carried him off his feet and out from the room, then turned towards the back end of the corridor. The keys remained in the middle of the room, unreachable by any of the now-fully exposed prisoners – the door to the secret prison had been left open. All the zephrons had to do was peak inside and James would be toast.

“Ahh!” screamed Penny.

James hurried over then hugged Penny’s face into his chest. He picked up a ratty, child-sized blanket and did his best to cover them both with it. He whispered into her ear as the loud, nightmarish yells echoed from the main room over to them.

“Penny, I need you to calm down,” he whispered.

She bit her lips into her mouth. “But what’s happening?”

The screams only intensified. So did the wild zephron howls. It was a slaughter – no doubt about it. James was nervous and scared, but knew that as long as everyone inside the secret prison area remained quiet, there was a good chance the zephrons wouldn’t bother leaving the main room. And even if they did, they were more likely to run straight past them and battle Fitz and his small army instead.

“What’s happen-”

“Don’t worry – I just need you to be quiet. Can you do that for me?” James’ eyes flickered up. He noticed the hammer in the corner of the cell. “Everything is going to be okay.”

“James!” said Penny.

“Shh,” he whispered, then covered her mouth. “Be quiet, Penny.”

Soon he heard their loud, thumping footsteps echoing through the corridor.

“Hime-cared!” She blurted out.

James hugged her face into his shoulder. “Please… just, shhh.”

Penny struggled to break free as the monstrous roars grew closer. She began to move her limbs erratically, and screamed more muffled words. James struggled to keep her quiet, but she wouldn’t be still. Penny escaped his grasp.

“James! James! Promise you’ll marry me, James!”

He could hear the zephrons closing in. James crawled on his hands and knees over to the hammer. He picked it up, then gulped and looked at Penny.

“Say you love me! Say it!”

James grabbed Penny by the throat and shoved her down, back against the ground. His hand shook as he held the hammer over her forehead.

“Shut-up,” He pleaded through a whisper.

“JAMES!” Penny screamed.

“Don’t!” said Fides, from across the room.

“JAMES!” She shouted again.

James swung the…

* * *

Well, what would you do? I’d love to hear a variety of perspectives.

* And if you’re dying to know what actually happens, you can start by clicking here.

– Thomas M. Watt

Hello to You

Hello to you with silent breath,

I hear your thoughts and struggled quest.

I’m sorry if you feel so bad. I’m sorry if you don’t feel glad.

I’m sorry if you feel so empty. I’m sorry if your dreams are heavy.

I’m sorry that you hate hope too. I’m sorry that depresses you.

I’m sorry if things didn’t work out. I’m sorry if the time ran out.

I’m sorry if you waste the days, waiting for grey clouds to rain.

I’m sorry if you feel alone. Sorry if you hate your phone.

Sorry if you’ve been betrayed, felt a loss, called deranged.

But there’s not much that I can do, except to say I’ve felt that too.

And when we breath with heavy chests with thoughts of lonely and great unrest,

And when we suck and can’t do shit and all is wrong and life’s a bitch,

That’s when you need to stand and say, “There’s still a chance, so fuck the grey.”

Because from deep anguish your heart rises, from great loss new hope surmises.

From your hatred of yourself, from your knowledge of no help, 

Comes a force from deep within, it helps you out, it’s why you’ll win.

For what more can they say to you, when you’ve lost all yet pulled on through?

You will win and shout and say, “I felt the loss, I did decay, I was depressed, I did delay. But then one day I stood and saw, a heart’s as heavy as its boss. Sorry folks but I refuse to curl all up and amuse you. No more laughing, no more scoffs, I’ve come to tell you no man’s lost.”

For on that day when they beat you, push you down, leave you bruised. You can rise if just you know it, turn around and make them notice. As much pain is in your chest as bad as hurt feels from this test, as much as God sounds like nonsense and as low as you feel from the rest, if you just rise and please believe – You only lose if you don’t breathe. 

– Thomas M. Watt

I Need to Be

Feel your stare your absent glare your want of knowing what’s in there,

Know you sought to know me through, I’ve got not much to say to you.

I’m sorry girl but don’t you see these thoughts have got the best of me.

Would rather here some more ’bout you like what it is you want to do.

Tired of the thoughts of me, tired of wanting, needing sleep.

Say to me the things unsaid the things most folks so often dread.

You know the words the rhythmic blues the fear of saying just what is true.

I know you feel it ’cause I do to, I know just what is plaguing you.

But don’t you see the vision’s free the only way to ecstasy.

You hear me spinning words like that, that’s just to get you on your back.

No I’m kidding, joking please. Don’t mean to make you quake you knees.

Ah nice slap that hurt a bit I’m sorry girl I cannot quit.

Sometimes the way these thoughts expel like flagrant breaths through quiets yells.

Baby girl it’s back to you, tell me so I feel them too.

Don’t ask me what, you know the answer, it’s penned inside your heart’s disaster.

Show me pain and misery I’ll show you mine but for a fee.

I swear it tears me up inside, pulls my heart out, leaves me dry.

Please don’t go there, please don’t please, please just see I need to be.

Not quite trying, nothing cares, here’s the secret I’d like to share –

Hold your moans your throbbing chest, you cannot let me get the best.

Oh quit trying to play me please it’s all a game until you weep.

Sorry girl, you have to know, the thoughts own me I have to go.

– Thomas M. Watt

Feel It Tear

Pain inside is justified,

loss of much always resides,

on the bottom,

feeling grim,

trying hard to rise and win.

So much loss too much to take,

feel my days fall down like rain.

Every time I see that tumble every time I look I crumble.

Cannot watch this sport I played,

cannot enjoy a single day,

feel so much rage in me can’t feel your touch it’s too much sting.

Why oh why oh why oh God, tried so hard and feel so scorned. Not one can see the things I do, not one can bring my arm from ruin.

Let me breath and blink and smile, let me enjoy this cough a while.

I will get up I will go on I will still try to sing good songs.

Just take this wind and fly with me, take me through these painful springs.

Let me ignore the past I hate, let me go on this life of fate.

Raise me up to blue skies please, don’t let me lose to hands of thieves.

– Thomas M. Watt

(Illustration by Ayse Juaneda, the greatest artist in the world. Visit her blog for more incredible artwork – http://aysejuaneda.wordpress.com/

The Dream is free but the Pain cost a Lifetime

Painful brush strokes imagination, is this talent or procrastination.

See the fault of others true, cannot judge my own work too.

Painful headaches modest scoff, writing words or losing thoughts.

What’s the point of point of view, when you’re the biggest fan for you.

So damn subjective so many accuse, I’m wasting time to feel the blues.

One more edit, maybe two, after that I think I’m through.

Have persisted through so much, have not yet made a single buck.

How does that one sad story go, the one where reality is always cold?

Well oh well I guess that’s it, I hope my talent is not too stink.

– Thomas M. Watt

Addiction Cycle

See that circle running fast, see that spinning you to task.

Quit the drug and feel the peace, too many hours brings new cravings.

It’s alright, it’s okay, this time your drug won’t make you stray.

You’ll do it just a time or two, then live happy and live like you.

What’s the trouble, it will pass, just one more fix this one’s your last.

Years go by so quick they do, time it passes when drugs own you.

Never drops the feeling doesn’t, never does the blood stop loving.

Just a feeling is all it is, just the high which your drug gives.

A way to own to live to breath, a way to die to give to cease.

Gotta love just what drugs do, they move your soul then leave out you.

– Thomas M. Watt

Bitter’s Steed Walks Slow

Painful thoughts you sit and stew,

Badening memories come from you.

Hate the way you torment me, pry my brain with more longing.

Silent peace at once forgotten, flying angels seem like a concept.

Twisting neurons firing greed, winding my brain to selfish need.

Walking with my head down low, know where I’ve gone and where I’ll go.

Convinced at once with thoughts of doom, reflected by the grey clouds gloom.

Turning pain within my speak, writhing anguish churns in me.

So much loss with cost unknown, too much absence for hope to grow.

Leave me run from bitter’s steed, I have to breathe my soul to ease.

– Thomas M. Watt

Angry Soul

Angry bitter misfit meat,

Raging loner somber geek.

Crying loser feeling shame,

No-good doer knows his pain.

Out of type of both the classes,

Not a friend who asks what happened.

Lift your chin up little one, don’t turn your eyes down from their shun.

I know it hurts to be like you, I know it sucks to feel bad too.

Maybe there’s no one who’s true, maybe really the problem’s you.

Listen child ears on me, I promise you I won’t deceive.

When all hope’s lost and life is Hell, when all your thoughts just sound like yells,

Slow down child, slow a step, don’t try so hard to circumvent.

Take a breath and be at ease, give to God your problems please.

Confess to God your faith does break, and to speak with him makes your heart quake.

Don’t have to tuck your shirt to pants, don’t need to act like your advanced.

These days His name is divided, between believers and good liars.

The reason I push these words on you, is because God’s son was hated too.

– Thomas M. Watt

(Photo courtesy of Dan Watt, freelance astronomer. Visit his website @ http://www.pocketrubbish.com/ap/ for more amazing photos)

Loser loser loser you

Loser loser loser you,

If this is what they say to you,

That you can’t do it you are through,

There is nothing more that you can do.

Listen with your ear turned in,

Accept those words and share a grin,

Turn to them and say this day,

That your problems are in dismay.

For you don’t turn and look around,

You don’t make others bear a frown.

You’re the one who raises hope,

From the ugly you can cope.

For you will wake up everyday,

Work through the pain and always say,

A problem is a thing to do,

The struggle is what’s meant for you.

For from these losses which we bear,

Come ways to win in future’s air.

What is today represents the past,

And even if you’ve come in last,

Five years from now so much will change,

Will go to show the path you take.

Don’t get frightened, don’t be scared,

Don’t deny that life’s not fair.

Just go on to move ahead,

Accept your place and see who cares.

For in the future you will win,

From here the future don’t look so grim.

It looks to me like there’s an end,

It seems to me the pain runs thin,

When you begin to think in ways,

To turn your problems into change.

Reach forth higher and reach forth proud,

Let your heart beat oh-so-loud,

You’re not an idiot, not a fluke,

You’re the one who thought to do,

The things of which will dig you out,

The acts of growth like you’re devout.

You got away and passed the pain,

‘Cause you set out to change your ways.

Not from fear or worry or doubt,

But from the belief that future’s cloud,

Won’t look so grey and rainy wet,

It won’t be hazy or make you upset,

But looks to me from this horizon,

There’s no more clouds where your blue sky ends.

– Thomas M. Watt