Marketing Time

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Morning fans and somewhat interested persons. Today marks the first day in which I begin to take marketing my books seriously. I’m jumping into the pool, or maybe the sea, with a headfirst dive and no snorkel to help me. Literally, I have no idea what I’m doing.

I’ve done some research on other successful indie authors, and learned that the most effective way to sell your books is to acquire customers who want to buy them. So, how do I get people to want to buy my tales of fiction that offer no value to their lives but actually subtract from the amount of money in their pockets?

That’s a great question. Right now, I think getting people to like me might be the best strategy. And maybe finding people who are interested in the same topics I cover in my books – meaning aliens, spirituality, chicks, fighting, mysterious figures, mysterious pasts, an inability to communicate, and (sigh) love.

Those seem like pretty interesting topics, right?

I’m going to set up a twitter account soon. Haven’t decided whether it would be more beneficial to constantly write about the books I am promoting or just tweet random day-to-day musings. Maybe if I’m funny and don’t offend people too deeply they will want to see what goes on in this deranged mind of mine. Anyway, off to the waters!

Julie and Benjamin – Part 3

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“You’ve done broken in to ma private property,” said the man with the rifle.

Benjamin and Julie stood staring at the figure. The lit cigarette in his mouth provided for the sole source of light in the shed. It was enough to reveal a foul interior – dead rats were hanging from the ceiling by their tails, and empty turtle shells covered the floor.

“What do you want?” said Julie.

The man chuckled. “All I wants is justice.”

“Justice?” said Benjamin.

“Yeah, ye know, justice! Two handcuffed law-breakers done break into my private property!”

“Just let us leave!” said Benjamin. “Please, sir!”

“NO!” screamed the man. “You don’t get to go.”

“Well what do you want?” said Julie.

“I wants to shoot ya, of course!”

Benjamin started to speak, but before he could get out a word his wife Julie shoved the shed door open and dragged him out, by the iron-chain handcuffs linking them together.

The shot boomed loudly, but the man missed. He fired a couple more rounds, but they escaped from his property alive and stopped to catch their breath on the sidewalk.

“That was close!” said Benjamin.

Julie punched his arm as best she could. “I hate you!”

“What? Why?” said Benjamin.

“You’re such a wimp! You would have let us die there!”

“Well we shouldn’t even be in this predicament in the first place! A police themed Halloween party, really? You made me steal regulation uniforms from the station for that? What’s the matter with you Julie?!”

Julie grew misty eyed. “I just wanted to do something fun. For once, I wanted to do something fun.”

Out of nowhere, three police cruisers pulled up and stopped on the pavement just short of them. The lights flashed brightly and one of them spoke over the loudspeaker.

“Get down on the ground! Get down on the ground!”

Julie sniffed, and started to lower. “Guess this is it then. This is where it ends.”

Benjamin looked at her, back at the cops, then back at his wife. “No.” He tugged the chain bonding them his way.

“What?” she said.

“GET DOWN ON THE GROUND!” Came the shout over the police speaker.

Benjamin smiled, then whispered. “Run.”

He bolted, and Julie followed behind. The cruisers burnt rubber to start after them.

“Benjamin!” Julie screamed. “How are you planning to get away? There are police cars covering the area, and police-in-uniform at the end of the street!”

“I have a way!” He said, yelling over the sound of their foot smacks. “We might die, but I think it could work!”

“We might DIE?

The husband and wife continued their flight. The cruisers were right behind them.

PART 4, COMING SOON!

– Thomas M. Watt

Julie and Benjamin – Part 2

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Julie and Benjamin sprinted away, shackled together by a chain-linked set of handcuffs. The police officer chased after them.

“I knew something like this would happen!” Said Benjamin.

“Well it’s hard to go unnoticed when you’re wearing handcuffs, Benjamin.”

The couple turned the corner and ran through a bush hedge into a backyard. The backyard was littered with bullet-holed beer cans and empty shell casings, along with a single rocking chair and a flaky wooden shed.

“In here!” said Julie.

“Are you crazy?” said Benjamin, as he tugged back his handcuffs and kept her from entering.

The sounds of approaching ┬ásirens were accompanied by the shouts of, “Police, police!”

“Fine,” said Benjamin, practically dragging his wife behind as he kicked open the door. They slammed the door behind and found themselves engulfed in darkness. The cruisers could still be heard outside.

“This is all your fault,” hissed Julie.

“My fault?” said Benjamin. “It was you who talked me into your stupid plan!”

“Shut up.” Said Julie. “Just shut up. I hate you. I hate that I’m here with you. I hate that I ever married you.”

“Oh,” said Benjamin. “That hurts. That really hurts, Julie.”

“You’re not a strong man. You’re a coward.”

“Well you’re fat.”

“I am not fat!”

“Shhh, keep quiet.” Said Benjamin.

The two kept silent for a bit, as the sound of footsteps trudging through soggy grass could be heard just outside.

“Nobody here,” a voice finally said. The officers could be heard stomping away.

Julie issued a sigh of relief. “If only you didn’t get so nervous, we would have gotten away.”

“Oh please,” said Benjamin. “We got caught because you didn’t keep the officers distracted long enough.”

Julie scoffed. “It was a fool-proof plan, Benjamin. I was sobbing like a baby, and all the policemen were trying to calm me down. All you had to do was go through their lockers, toss all their uniforms in the sack, then walk. But no, you had to trip on the way out and spill everything.”

“Well it was a stupid theft in the first place. The more I think about your reason for wanting the uniforms, the more I question your sanity. By the way, thanks for taking the initiative to bolt after we were cuffed together!”

“I can’t believe I married such a… bore.”

“I can’t believe I married an insane woman.”

A light turned on. Julie and Benjamin turned to see a man sitting in the shed, a rifle in his lap and a cigarette in his mouth.

“You two done woke me up.” He puffed out smoke. “Ain’t nobody supposed to be on my premises, this here’s private property. You know what that means, don’t ya?”

“What?” said Julie.

The man stood up. A twisted grin overtook his face, and he held the rifle at his hip, barrel pointed in their direction.

Part 3, Coming Soon!

– Thomas M. Watt