Returning to the White Pages

I’ve been largely absent from this blog this year. That’s in large part due to my interest in music. I’ve really enjoyed learning more about music theory, production and sound design. After completing “Doctor with the Red Houseware,” I needed some time before I felt ready to tackle another project.

I have a terrible habit of overthinking details. This results in the phenomenon of “Analysis leads to paralysis”. I’ve flirted with several premises I would like to develop but have yet to take the plunge and commit to any of them. There are a few main reasons for this – but the greatest pitfall has been the almighty dollar.

I feel filmmaking is somewhat unique to other branches of entertainment. If you are a great musician, comedian, actor, or even writer, your number one asset is yourself, your number 2 asset is exposure. The creation of a film has much less to do with talent, ability, and skills, and much more to do with budget. You can create an outstanding film with less, sure, and you can use your problem-solving skills to tackle obstacles that pose a risk to production. But at the end of the day, you’re going to need money if you intend to create a film that can rub shoulders with major box office productions. You will want the best camera, best sound, best effects, and most famous actors you can afford.

Acquiring that money is the obvious challenge, but of course there are unlimited strategies to accomplish that. From watching interviews with other filmmakers online, I’ve arrived at a variety of potentially successful avenues. The common thread for soliciting investments, however, tends to involve having a product worth selling – so obviously you must begin with a completed script.

As any writer knows, each project requires an overwhelming amount of time, effort, and anguish to complete. The major salt on the wound for writers is finding a single reader is even more of a challenge.

Part of the joy I’ve experienced in filmmaking has been the knowledge that I would produce and shoot the scripts that I wrote. As I begin work on a new feature length script I can’t help but confront the obvious – I am going to need external financing to complete a 110-130 page story.

I have developed several daily habits that require 30 minutes or less. I find that the more I limit my time the better I manage it. I’m actively considering ways in which I could post a new video to youtube each day. I feel that developing a fanbase could help me reach my goal in more ways than one. I also fear, however, that I will be tempted to devote more time to each video.

Another habit I am considering implementing has to do with knocking on doors. By routinely networking with other producers, distributors, and production companies, I can greatly improve my odds of having an ear open for me when my story is ready to pitch. I can begin to immerse myself in the business of filmmaking rather than hiding in the fantasy of it all.

I would like to return to the idea of crowdfunding the film. Of course, before I can launch a kickstarter campaign I will need to have the script completed and a sizzle reel shot. The sizzle reel is something I can take care of without any hefty investments. This would include a single location with legitimate actors that provides the overall tone and promise of the story I would like to tell.

Just wanted to share some thoughts today. I hope to do so again tomorrow.

McWatty9’s Yoga Class For People Who Want To Take A Yoga Class


Int. – About thirty people enter the room. Mirrors cover three of the walls, while one window sits facing the outside, where all the pervs sit to watch. Most of the practitioners are women, several are men, and all have brought with them curled up mats as well as a single foam brick. McWatty9, the yogi for the class, stands at the front, with a microphone earpiece running along his cheek.


Welcome folks, welcome. I’m so happy to be leading you all in your journey towards becoming better looking today. I’m especially excited to see the girl in the red tank top do upward dog, and not so much the fat bald guy in the back corner. Yes you, with the bag of potato chips.


Are you sure you are properly trained to teach this course?


(Closing eyes, nodding patiently, speaking with a soothing tone)

Yes Bill, yes.


(With underwear over his head, wearing a suit)

New controller should arrive tomorrow.


(Sounding very distressed, walking hurriedly over to the big black box that is called a ‘stereo’)

Yes, yes, yes! Well, my little yoginies, it is time to start with our flexibility. Let me get my yoga mix started, and while I’m at it, I want you to stand there and practice your breathing.

(As the class all stands there and practices their breathing, the eight-mile soundtrack begins blaring at a decibel so loud Snobert blows his eardrums. Snobert screams)


Get outta here Snobert! You’re disrupting the class!

(Bill and Snobert share a hug, Snobert leaves)


Now then, I want everybody to inhale.

(They do)


Now exhale. Then inhale. Then exhale. Then inhale twice. Then exhale four times. Try to inhale super loudly. Now exhale quietly. Now try to inhale in your left nostril while simultaneously exhaling out your right.

(Aaron, the guy in the suit with underwear over his head, falls over)


Great. Now stick your right arm in. Now take your right arm out. Now put your left foot in. Now shake it all about. Very good. Very very good.

(The Hokey-pokey continues for sometime, until the entire song is finally finished)


Now, I want everybody to bring their foam bricks forward to me please.

(After receiving all of the foam bricks, McWatty9 builds an igloo with them)


There we go. That’s what those things are actually for. And I’m forbidden to say what the elastic straps you all brought are actually intended to do. Okay, now everybody, sit down.

(Everyone does)


Now stand up.

(They do)

Sit down. Stand up. Breath. Jump in the air. Wave your arms. Spin around. Do the worm. Start break-dancing. Do the Homeless Joe. Do a hand stand. Do a headstand. Try to fold your legs into a pretzel. Try to get out of the pretzel. Now lay down and wait there until I tell you to stop.

(Five days later)


Very good, everyone! (Sitting down with his knees pointed out, hands pressed together at his sternum, closes his eyes and nods)